I got the call from Dr. F's office this afternoon we didn't have success with our third IUI. I have had good reason to believe that would be the result. I have been weepy since my body started telling me we weren't going to be pregnant on Saturday night at work. We decided that this would be the last treatment we were going to do- at least for awhile when I had the lengthy high dose injections and hyperstim issues during this round. We need a break from the emotional roller coaster of fertility treatments.
This has not been an easy journey individually or as a couple. I am so grateful for the good man that I am lucky enough to call my husband and eternal companion. We know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us and we will be blessed with children...eventually but most likely not in the way we once expected. We need some time to take a break from all of this and then our plan is to meet with LDS Family Services and begin the process of adoption. We know there are little ones that are supposed to join our family and hope and pray for a miracle...or two. We cannot express enough gratitude for the prayers and support that we have received from our family and friends. We love you all!
Until next time...
Showing posts with label Infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Infertility. Show all posts
Monday, August 1, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Gatorade and Protien shakes
In the spirit of keeping track of what goes on during our fertility treatments I am disclosing how rotten I have felt this past week. I am actually proud of myself for making it through four days of work. I didn't do it on my own of course because I have the best husband in the world! I don't know what I would do without him.
The first two days of last week weren't so bad. In fact, I actually made the dinners that JD had requested- one that I need to get posted to my recipe blog because we liked it so much. I started not feeling so great at work on Tuesday. Each day I just felt a little bit worse- my abdomen started to feel bloated and my female parts felt like they were floating in my abdomen- weird huh- you should feel it for yourself-it is odd and not very comfortable- driving over bumps on the road is TORTURE! To say I was a little edgy by Thursday/Friday at work would be an understatement because the symptoms didn't seem to be getting better no matter what I did.
I told JD on Wednesday morning that if I didn't feel better by Monday I was calling Dr. F's office to see if they could give me some answers but by Thursday morning I felt like I better make a call.
They suspect based on the information that I have given them that I may have a case of ovarian hyperstimulation- FANTASTIC...not! I was told to drink lots of fluids with electrolytes like Gatorade and drink protein shakes with 30g protein. I didn't ask why I just called JD and asked him to bring me some gatorade to work pronto. I was able to look up ovarian hyperstimulation online and it appears that it happens after the "trigger shot" of hCG- which makes a lot of sense because I felt fine until a day or so after the trigger shot. This same thing happened during IUI #2 but it wasn't as severe or uncomfortable. The good news is this doesn't mean that the IUI won't work, in fact it can be prolonged because it is the hCG that "caused" the issues and my body with start making hCG if I am pregnant. I'm actually so glad I have a job where I don't sit around a lot because right now when I sit down it causes me to not be able to breath very well- it works best if I am lying down because I can breath.
The worst part of all of this (besides feeling like a bloated cow) is that JD is worried and I can see it on his face. I can't seem to get comfortable and when I start to cry he does everything he can think of to help me be comfortable. He went shopping at Costco- on a Saturday when it seems they are the busiest-which he HATES- just to get protein shakes that I like. He bought 20 bottles of gatorade and keeps reminding me to drink it. The poor guy I'm sure feels helpless but I couldn't do this without him- how I got so lucky is a mystery to me even now.
I know this too shall pass and it will be a faint memory eventually but right now I'm going to drink some more gatorade.
Until next time...
The first two days of last week weren't so bad. In fact, I actually made the dinners that JD had requested- one that I need to get posted to my recipe blog because we liked it so much. I started not feeling so great at work on Tuesday. Each day I just felt a little bit worse- my abdomen started to feel bloated and my female parts felt like they were floating in my abdomen- weird huh- you should feel it for yourself-it is odd and not very comfortable- driving over bumps on the road is TORTURE! To say I was a little edgy by Thursday/Friday at work would be an understatement because the symptoms didn't seem to be getting better no matter what I did.
I told JD on Wednesday morning that if I didn't feel better by Monday I was calling Dr. F's office to see if they could give me some answers but by Thursday morning I felt like I better make a call.
They suspect based on the information that I have given them that I may have a case of ovarian hyperstimulation- FANTASTIC...not! I was told to drink lots of fluids with electrolytes like Gatorade and drink protein shakes with 30g protein. I didn't ask why I just called JD and asked him to bring me some gatorade to work pronto. I was able to look up ovarian hyperstimulation online and it appears that it happens after the "trigger shot" of hCG- which makes a lot of sense because I felt fine until a day or so after the trigger shot. This same thing happened during IUI #2 but it wasn't as severe or uncomfortable. The good news is this doesn't mean that the IUI won't work, in fact it can be prolonged because it is the hCG that "caused" the issues and my body with start making hCG if I am pregnant. I'm actually so glad I have a job where I don't sit around a lot because right now when I sit down it causes me to not be able to breath very well- it works best if I am lying down because I can breath.
The worst part of all of this (besides feeling like a bloated cow) is that JD is worried and I can see it on his face. I can't seem to get comfortable and when I start to cry he does everything he can think of to help me be comfortable. He went shopping at Costco- on a Saturday when it seems they are the busiest-which he HATES- just to get protein shakes that I like. He bought 20 bottles of gatorade and keeps reminding me to drink it. The poor guy I'm sure feels helpless but I couldn't do this without him- how I got so lucky is a mystery to me even now.
I know this too shall pass and it will be a faint memory eventually but right now I'm going to drink some more gatorade.
Until next time...
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Tick Tock, Tick Tock
That is the sound that will be playing in my head for the next two weeks. We just got home from Dr. F's office and IUI #3. I am now in bed and going to rest for the remainder of the day. Resting is not a requirement after an IUI but JD woke me up from a sound sleep after I passed out on the couch last night and it messed up my body clock and I want to get it reset- at this very moment my eyes are fighting to stay awake.
Please say a little prayer for us over this next two weeks.
Until next time...
Please say a little prayer for us over this next two weeks.
Until next time...
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Progress
We had another ultrasound this morning. I have been so hesitant to be hopeful but anxious to see what all of these injections are doing. We have some progress which is great news. We have to have a follicle or follicles- but no more than three- that are least 18mm to do the IUI. Today we had one that was a 16.8 and the rest were 12mm or below. Dr. F wants us to do injections today and tomorrow and come back on Thursday to check how the follicles look at that point. Unless something goes crazy we will likely be doing IUI #3 on Friday. I also have to do ovulation predictor kits because we don't want to miss an opportunity with the 16.8 follicle. We are hoping and praying that a couple of the 12mm follicles get the boost they need today and tomorrow so we have at least three follicles for this IUI. It only takes one follicle in reality but I'm not opposed to increasing our odds at this point. While this is good news I am still just as hesitant to be hopeful about all of this after it didn't work with #1 and the miscarriage with #2. I hope that old saying of third times the charm works for us this time but I'm not counting on anything at this point.
On a different/similar note...I got out my patriarchal blessing the other day and read it through. I also read JD's again. We have both been promised we will have children which brings me some peace. I don't know that I will bear those children in my womb but I do know that we will be blessed with children in our home. We have beautiful promises that relate to our children and the other night I needed to be reminded of those promises. Reading through my blessing again also helped to remind me of the responsibilities I have to receive those blessings. It was so nice to feel that peace and have those reminders.
Until next time...
On a different/similar note...I got out my patriarchal blessing the other day and read it through. I also read JD's again. We have both been promised we will have children which brings me some peace. I don't know that I will bear those children in my womb but I do know that we will be blessed with children in our home. We have beautiful promises that relate to our children and the other night I needed to be reminded of those promises. Reading through my blessing again also helped to remind me of the responsibilities I have to receive those blessings. It was so nice to feel that peace and have those reminders.
Until next time...
Friday, July 8, 2011
Broken
We are in the depths of IUI #3. Today, at this moment, I say it is the last one. We just got back from our first ultrasound- after 5 days of clomid and 4 days of Gonal f injections and all of the follicles (which I didn't ask how many she measured) are 10 mm or less in size. We need them to be at least an 18 mm to move forward. Thank goodness JD was with me and thank goodness I have learned to be able to control my tears of frustration with myself and my body until I am in the privacy of my vehicle or home.
I feel like my body, mind and spirit is broken. I have been hesitant to be outwardly hopeful or excited about this cycle after the miscarriage with IUI #2. I know this battle is worth it and I will come out a better person on the other side of all of this but today I just want to feel sorry for myself....and cry...and be angry...and unreasonable about the whole situation.
AM at Dr. F's office told me not to get frustrated with my ovaries because we know they work but they are just stubborn. I have always thought I was stubborn and my ovaries are showing just how much a part of me they are again....and again...and again. I just keep reminding myself that slow and steady wins the race- at least I hope that concept applies here.
Besides feeling physically and mentally broken I feel financially broken too. I was just saying to JD yesterday I would love if some of the money we are spending trying to get pregnant could be spent on buying things to prepare for the arrival of our children but instead I got to spend another $780 on medication today for five more days of injections...hopefully 9 days is our magic number this time.
Even though I do feel broken and want to hide in my house away from anything and everyone in my life I can't express adequate gratitude for the prayers that have been sent heavenward for us. My family, friends and co-workers- who are quickly becoming good friends- your thoughtfulness and support does not go unnoticed. I think sometimes I come off as very harsh when I get asked about what is going on or appear to not care much about the outcome of all of this. Please know I am grateful for your concern and interest even though I may at times seem distant.
Until next time...
I feel like my body, mind and spirit is broken. I have been hesitant to be outwardly hopeful or excited about this cycle after the miscarriage with IUI #2. I know this battle is worth it and I will come out a better person on the other side of all of this but today I just want to feel sorry for myself....and cry...and be angry...and unreasonable about the whole situation.
AM at Dr. F's office told me not to get frustrated with my ovaries because we know they work but they are just stubborn. I have always thought I was stubborn and my ovaries are showing just how much a part of me they are again....and again...and again. I just keep reminding myself that slow and steady wins the race- at least I hope that concept applies here.
Besides feeling physically and mentally broken I feel financially broken too. I was just saying to JD yesterday I would love if some of the money we are spending trying to get pregnant could be spent on buying things to prepare for the arrival of our children but instead I got to spend another $780 on medication today for five more days of injections...hopefully 9 days is our magic number this time.
Even though I do feel broken and want to hide in my house away from anything and everyone in my life I can't express adequate gratitude for the prayers that have been sent heavenward for us. My family, friends and co-workers- who are quickly becoming good friends- your thoughtfulness and support does not go unnoticed. I think sometimes I come off as very harsh when I get asked about what is going on or appear to not care much about the outcome of all of this. Please know I am grateful for your concern and interest even though I may at times seem distant.
Until next time...
Friday, April 29, 2011
It finally happened...
I worked in the Maternity unit at Riverton Hospital yesterday. When you go to a new place to work- which I do as a float pool employee- everyone wants to get to know you. I appreciate that it gives me a chance to get to know the people I am working with too.
Whenever I have worked in a maternity unit the first question always seems to be "Do you have kids?" (This happens in other units too but not usually the first question.)
My canned response is "No... but we are trying." This response typically gets a "good luck" or "oh" and more questions some which include how old I am or how long have you been married?
Well yesterday was the first time EVER that I have got this response...
"If you just relax you will get pregnant. I mean seriously I know so many people that once they quit trying they were able to have kids...like bam they were pregnant with twins and everything."
This was from someone that I was working with, she is also a CNA. I tried to calmly explain to her that "relaxing" wasn't going to help us because it was physically impossible for me to get pregnant without medical intervention. She then said "I assure you that if you could just relax about it you can get pregnant!"
I decided this conversation wasn't going to go anywhere good and I was going to just end up more annoyed and possibly tell her off so I just got up and walked away. My telling her off would have included- "well I wish I would have met you a year ago because all the money we have been paying a fertility specialist wouldn't have gone to waste to learn that I just needed to RELAX! I'm so glad that your one year of nursing school and 1.5 years working on a mom/baby unit have made you an expert on the matter since here you see the happy end result of "just relaxing"!
Now on the other hand the patients I had yesterday were fantastic and it makes me even more excited to start working on the Maternity unit at American Fork Hospital. It is so fun to watch a new mom and/or dad love on their baby. One dad specifically yesterday just made me want to cry with the way he talked to his little one. I needed to check the baby vitals so I asked dad to put the baby in the bassinet for me. He was so nervous and looked at her and said "I promised daddy is going to get better at this." It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen.
Until next time...
Whenever I have worked in a maternity unit the first question always seems to be "Do you have kids?" (This happens in other units too but not usually the first question.)
My canned response is "No... but we are trying." This response typically gets a "good luck" or "oh" and more questions some which include how old I am or how long have you been married?
Well yesterday was the first time EVER that I have got this response...
"If you just relax you will get pregnant. I mean seriously I know so many people that once they quit trying they were able to have kids...like bam they were pregnant with twins and everything."
This was from someone that I was working with, she is also a CNA. I tried to calmly explain to her that "relaxing" wasn't going to help us because it was physically impossible for me to get pregnant without medical intervention. She then said "I assure you that if you could just relax about it you can get pregnant!"
I decided this conversation wasn't going to go anywhere good and I was going to just end up more annoyed and possibly tell her off so I just got up and walked away. My telling her off would have included- "well I wish I would have met you a year ago because all the money we have been paying a fertility specialist wouldn't have gone to waste to learn that I just needed to RELAX! I'm so glad that your one year of nursing school and 1.5 years working on a mom/baby unit have made you an expert on the matter since here you see the happy end result of "just relaxing"!
Now on the other hand the patients I had yesterday were fantastic and it makes me even more excited to start working on the Maternity unit at American Fork Hospital. It is so fun to watch a new mom and/or dad love on their baby. One dad specifically yesterday just made me want to cry with the way he talked to his little one. I needed to check the baby vitals so I asked dad to put the baby in the bassinet for me. He was so nervous and looked at her and said "I promised daddy is going to get better at this." It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen.
Until next time...
Friday, April 22, 2011
CD 24
So most people have a 28 day cycle...not this girl. I take hCG trigger shots on CD24. I had another ultrasound this morning. Left ovary is the winner this cycle- she has produced two beautiful follicles- one size 19 and one size 20. The follicles had to be at least an 18 to proceed with the IUI. The right ovary must have decided she had enough growth this cycle because her follicles were still the same size they were on Wednesday- almost a 15.
I knew things must look good immediately because of the smile on AM's face when she was doing the ultrasound. I felt like we were going to be ready to roll because of the "movement" I have felt in my ovaries the last couple of days.
So what does all of this mean? Well we are scheduled to do the IUI tomorrow, Saturday, April 23. AM and I shared a couple high fives and a hug because my ovaries decided to participate this month- after much coaxing and celebrating that insurance was now covering all of the ultrasounds 100 percent. She also reminded me- as is her duty- that even with two great looking follicles we still have to get sperm and egg to meet and get along and then implant in the beautiful uterine lining. I am still hesitantly optimistic about the success of this cycle. We would be thrilled if just one of the eggs was fertilized and we got a baby but if both were...well let's not get ahead of ourselves.
After the insemination tomorrow we have a two week wait before we can find out if we had success or not. Your prayers on our behalf would be greatly appreciated during this two week wait.
Until next time...
I knew things must look good immediately because of the smile on AM's face when she was doing the ultrasound. I felt like we were going to be ready to roll because of the "movement" I have felt in my ovaries the last couple of days.
So what does all of this mean? Well we are scheduled to do the IUI tomorrow, Saturday, April 23. AM and I shared a couple high fives and a hug because my ovaries decided to participate this month- after much coaxing and celebrating that insurance was now covering all of the ultrasounds 100 percent. She also reminded me- as is her duty- that even with two great looking follicles we still have to get sperm and egg to meet and get along and then implant in the beautiful uterine lining. I am still hesitantly optimistic about the success of this cycle. We would be thrilled if just one of the eggs was fertilized and we got a baby but if both were...well let's not get ahead of ourselves.
After the insemination tomorrow we have a two week wait before we can find out if we had success or not. Your prayers on our behalf would be greatly appreciated during this two week wait.
Until next time...
Thursday, April 21, 2011
We have progress
Yesterday we had another ultrasound to see if my ovaries have decided to really participate in this program or not. After 16 days of injections I was certainly hoping that was the case because I am starting to feel like a pin cushion. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful there is something we can do to help us have a baby but getting poked in the belly everyday for over two weeks starts to wear on a girl.
So back to the ultrasound...I watch AM to see her facial expression when she is doing the ultrasound because I know she is as anxious as we are to have success. She always checks the uterine lining first to make sure it looks good...she wasn't smiling and it made me a little nervous. Then she looked at my right ovary and she said- that looks good...we have close to a 15mm follicle and bunch of little ones. I always have small cysts on my ovaries- that is just part of PCOS but with the injections there are some that are bigger because of the injections. She then moved to the left ovary and she smiled...she actually smiled! We have a 15mm follicle and a 16 mm follicle. This is such great news! I started crying out of shear joy that all of the injections had actually worked...s l o w l y but they worked. She instructed me to decrease my dose of injections to 75 iu a day instead of 225 iu because we don't want the follicles to go crazy. I have another appointment tomorrow for another- hopefully final- ultrasound before an IUI.
All of this is great news because we need to have at least an 18mm to do an IUI and we are edging ever closer to canceling this cycle if we didn't have some movement and growth in the follicles.
I missed writing about our last appointment when there was some growth and movement and the largest follicle- only one- was a 12mm. AM told us that there were several possibilities that could happen with the high does of injections I was getting.
Number one- we could get at least 3 good follicles and proceed as planned with the IUI.
Number 2- the follicles could go crazy and a lot could develop and be ready all at once. If that happened we would have two choices- extract the extra eggs. If there are more than three follicles they would extract any over three and proceed with the IUI and "save" the other eggs or switch to and IVF cycle which would mean extracting all of the eggs and then implanting 2-3. Number 3 canceling the cycle all together because we just simply didn't have mature enough follicles.
I seriously started stressing the minute we walked out the door of Dr. F's office wondering what we were going to do. This cycle has been so expensive already because of the injections. If we switched to an IVF cycle it would be an additional $3000. If we didn't see any more progress and had to cancel it would mean all of the medication this cycle was a waste. I asked JD to give me a blessing and afterward I felt so much better and knew that everything would work out just fine and we would be able to do what was best if we had to make a decision. Luckily at our appointment yesterday when I asked AM about all of it she said we weren't going to have to worry about doing anything but an IUI at this point based on what she saw in the ultrasound. If I have learned nothing else from this experience it is there is no guarantee about anything- it is all about how my body decides to participate. Here's to hoping that tomorrow these follicles are where they need to be and we don't have any surprises pop up that weren't there on Wednesday.
Until next time...
So back to the ultrasound...I watch AM to see her facial expression when she is doing the ultrasound because I know she is as anxious as we are to have success. She always checks the uterine lining first to make sure it looks good...she wasn't smiling and it made me a little nervous. Then she looked at my right ovary and she said- that looks good...we have close to a 15mm follicle and bunch of little ones. I always have small cysts on my ovaries- that is just part of PCOS but with the injections there are some that are bigger because of the injections. She then moved to the left ovary and she smiled...she actually smiled! We have a 15mm follicle and a 16 mm follicle. This is such great news! I started crying out of shear joy that all of the injections had actually worked...s l o w l y but they worked. She instructed me to decrease my dose of injections to 75 iu a day instead of 225 iu because we don't want the follicles to go crazy. I have another appointment tomorrow for another- hopefully final- ultrasound before an IUI.
All of this is great news because we need to have at least an 18mm to do an IUI and we are edging ever closer to canceling this cycle if we didn't have some movement and growth in the follicles.
I missed writing about our last appointment when there was some growth and movement and the largest follicle- only one- was a 12mm. AM told us that there were several possibilities that could happen with the high does of injections I was getting.
Number one- we could get at least 3 good follicles and proceed as planned with the IUI.
Number 2- the follicles could go crazy and a lot could develop and be ready all at once. If that happened we would have two choices- extract the extra eggs. If there are more than three follicles they would extract any over three and proceed with the IUI and "save" the other eggs or switch to and IVF cycle which would mean extracting all of the eggs and then implanting 2-3. Number 3 canceling the cycle all together because we just simply didn't have mature enough follicles.
I seriously started stressing the minute we walked out the door of Dr. F's office wondering what we were going to do. This cycle has been so expensive already because of the injections. If we switched to an IVF cycle it would be an additional $3000. If we didn't see any more progress and had to cancel it would mean all of the medication this cycle was a waste. I asked JD to give me a blessing and afterward I felt so much better and knew that everything would work out just fine and we would be able to do what was best if we had to make a decision. Luckily at our appointment yesterday when I asked AM about all of it she said we weren't going to have to worry about doing anything but an IUI at this point based on what she saw in the ultrasound. If I have learned nothing else from this experience it is there is no guarantee about anything- it is all about how my body decides to participate. Here's to hoping that tomorrow these follicles are where they need to be and we don't have any surprises pop up that weren't there on Wednesday.
Until next time...
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
CD 15
So today was another ultrasound for cycle day 15. I didn't get my hopes up for this ultrasound because I didn't want a big let down when we got to the office and saw what my ovaries have been up to with 5 more days of injections. Apparently I got my hopes up more than I anticipated because I was bawling in the doctor's office during the appointment when we were told that there wasn't much change in the size of the follicles. They need to be at least an 18 and we are at a 9 as of today- after 8 days of injections.
I was assured by the nurse practitioner, AM, that this is a "common" for PCOS patients. She was so nice as I was on the table crying and holding J.D.'s hand after she told us there wasn't much of a change in the size of the follicles. Basically they are going .5 mm per day with injections- not nearly enough. She said that some cycles the ovaries respond well to the injections and other times they are slow to respond and other times they just don't.
The good news is that it appears that I am responding it is just slow. She said it was a good sign that I was able to get one good size follicle with the last IUI that we did. AM told us that we have two options at this point... #1 we can cancel this cycle although she wasn't encouraging that because we have already paid for all of the medications so far and that would be a waste. #2- we can keep going, increase the dosage and be patient while we try to convince my ovaries to participate in our plan to have a family. She said that my lining looks great- which she was very pleased with. She wanted to talk to Dr. F before she told us exactly what to increase our dose to tonight. I got a call this afternoon from their office and I was told that Dr. F said "DON'T GIVE UP!
Soooo...we decided to move forward with the increased injections- so now I am getting 225 iu of bravelle every night instead of 150 iu. Please include us in your prayers.
Until next time...
I was assured by the nurse practitioner, AM, that this is a "common" for PCOS patients. She was so nice as I was on the table crying and holding J.D.'s hand after she told us there wasn't much of a change in the size of the follicles. Basically they are going .5 mm per day with injections- not nearly enough. She said that some cycles the ovaries respond well to the injections and other times they are slow to respond and other times they just don't.
The good news is that it appears that I am responding it is just slow. She said it was a good sign that I was able to get one good size follicle with the last IUI that we did. AM told us that we have two options at this point... #1 we can cancel this cycle although she wasn't encouraging that because we have already paid for all of the medications so far and that would be a waste. #2- we can keep going, increase the dosage and be patient while we try to convince my ovaries to participate in our plan to have a family. She said that my lining looks great- which she was very pleased with. She wanted to talk to Dr. F before she told us exactly what to increase our dose to tonight. I got a call this afternoon from their office and I was told that Dr. F said "DON'T GIVE UP!
Soooo...we decided to move forward with the increased injections- so now I am getting 225 iu of bravelle every night instead of 150 iu. Please include us in your prayers.
Until next time...
Monday, March 28, 2011
Our new Doctor- Dr. F
So after our first IUI with Dr. H's office I just felt like we needed to move to a different doctor office. I was frustrated that it appeared the concerns we had with Nurse K were not important to anyone. Before we even knew if the IUI wasn't successful they started talking more about our only option being IVF...not what you want to hear from your fertility doctor and staff.
One of JD's co-workers and his wife are going through the same things and the day we found out the IUI didn't work for use they announced they were pregnant with twins. I asked JD to find out who their doctor was so I could ask them some questions. They had been seeing Dr. F at Utah Fertility Center in Pleasant Grove. I did some research online and both of us felt good about the move. A huge bonus is the office is just down the road from our house...about a mile away which is a nice bonus.
Our first appointment was March 8 with Dr. F. We had to wait 3 weeks to get into him but we were so happy and more important hopeful again when we left the appointment it was well worth the wait. Dr. F went over our histories and what we have done in the past two years. He then asked us what is needed to have a baby. It seemed like a silly question but we played along. Basically egg, sperm, female plumbing (uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries) and some luck. We told him what we had been told about us having to do IVF because of sperm morphology and he told us that wasn't necessarily true. He asked if I had a test done that checks to make sure my fallopian tubes are open. He said we could do a million IUI's but if my fallopian tubes aren't open then all of this if for no reason. Sooo we are in a waiting period *no pun intended* right now. I am on cycle day (CD) 39 right now waiting for AF to show up. After AF arrives we are at CD 1 again, then on CD 7-9 I will have a procedure done called hysterosalpingogram or HSG. They inject my uterus with a dye that should go to my fallopian tubes and take an x-ray to see if my tubes are open. If they are open, we are good to move forward, if not, we will have to decide what the next step is- either surgery or IVF, I guess.
Dr. F said we will plan on 3 IUI cycles- hopefully it won't take 3 cycles but if it does and we don't have success we will look at other options at that point, until then he won't bring it up.
I is all still pretty costly but a little bit less expensive with Utah Fertility Center. Dr. F said he tries to take care of his patients like he would like to be taken care of and cost is obviously a consideration. The meds are less expensive this time and the IUI will be about 50 bucks less at Dr. F's office. He also said that if I make more than 3 follicles they will extract the eggs over 3 and save them "since I have already paid for the medication there is no reason to waste good eggs and cancel a IUI cycle"...have I mentioned that I think Dr. F is great!
For now, we are playing the waiting game. JD and I planned a trip to Arizona the middle of April so we are hoping that we can have everything done by the time we planned to leave on our trip. If not, we will postpone the trip- it will be worth the wait if we have success. I have a feeling that we won't have to postpone- the great thing about all of this is I am very in tune with what is going on with my body.
We are hesitantly optimistic about what the future holds in regard to the possibility of expanding our family. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated.
Until next time...
One of JD's co-workers and his wife are going through the same things and the day we found out the IUI didn't work for use they announced they were pregnant with twins. I asked JD to find out who their doctor was so I could ask them some questions. They had been seeing Dr. F at Utah Fertility Center in Pleasant Grove. I did some research online and both of us felt good about the move. A huge bonus is the office is just down the road from our house...about a mile away which is a nice bonus.
Our first appointment was March 8 with Dr. F. We had to wait 3 weeks to get into him but we were so happy and more important hopeful again when we left the appointment it was well worth the wait. Dr. F went over our histories and what we have done in the past two years. He then asked us what is needed to have a baby. It seemed like a silly question but we played along. Basically egg, sperm, female plumbing (uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries) and some luck. We told him what we had been told about us having to do IVF because of sperm morphology and he told us that wasn't necessarily true. He asked if I had a test done that checks to make sure my fallopian tubes are open. He said we could do a million IUI's but if my fallopian tubes aren't open then all of this if for no reason. Sooo we are in a waiting period *no pun intended* right now. I am on cycle day (CD) 39 right now waiting for AF to show up. After AF arrives we are at CD 1 again, then on CD 7-9 I will have a procedure done called hysterosalpingogram or HSG. They inject my uterus with a dye that should go to my fallopian tubes and take an x-ray to see if my tubes are open. If they are open, we are good to move forward, if not, we will have to decide what the next step is- either surgery or IVF, I guess.
Dr. F said we will plan on 3 IUI cycles- hopefully it won't take 3 cycles but if it does and we don't have success we will look at other options at that point, until then he won't bring it up.
I is all still pretty costly but a little bit less expensive with Utah Fertility Center. Dr. F said he tries to take care of his patients like he would like to be taken care of and cost is obviously a consideration. The meds are less expensive this time and the IUI will be about 50 bucks less at Dr. F's office. He also said that if I make more than 3 follicles they will extract the eggs over 3 and save them "since I have already paid for the medication there is no reason to waste good eggs and cancel a IUI cycle"...have I mentioned that I think Dr. F is great!
For now, we are playing the waiting game. JD and I planned a trip to Arizona the middle of April so we are hoping that we can have everything done by the time we planned to leave on our trip. If not, we will postpone the trip- it will be worth the wait if we have success. I have a feeling that we won't have to postpone- the great thing about all of this is I am very in tune with what is going on with my body.
We are hesitantly optimistic about what the future holds in regard to the possibility of expanding our family. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated.
Until next time...
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Survey says...
Today was 14 days post IUI with means it was test day. I have to be honest after getting the news about sperm morphology a few days after the IUI, I had my doubts if it would work. My gut feelings were right and the PG test this morning was negative. It was a tough pill to swallow after the 3 minute wait because all night I had various dreams about taking the tests and having a positives and how we celebrated and who we told. Tough pill indeed!!
The reality is that this is hard and it SUCKS! It is something that we do not have control over and I hate it. I like to at least know what to expect from all of this- in a perfect world we would start thinking of pink or blue but life is not ideal. It is full of speed bumps and detours. This little detour is taking much longer than we anticipated.
The reality is that this is hard and it SUCKS! It is something that we do not have control over and I hate it. I like to at least know what to expect from all of this- in a perfect world we would start thinking of pink or blue but life is not ideal. It is full of speed bumps and detours. This little detour is taking much longer than we anticipated.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Tough Day
Today was a rough day. I keep getting my hopes up that the next time I visit Dr. H is going to be the magical appointment that he tells me we are moving forward and attempting the IUI we are planning on. I keep planning out in my mind exactly how it is going to happen but each appointment that plan gets changed...I don't like change unless I am in control of it and even then I don't always care for it. I have issues with being patient too and this is seriously testing my patience.
Today I had more blood work done to see if the synthroid is working and the right level for me and a follow up visit with Dr. H. We are going to wait at least one more month before we attempt the IUI and I have to take the high doses of birth control pills (basically high levels of estrogen to regulate my cycle.) In reality it may be several more months after that before we actually try the IUI because he wants to make sure everything is ok and hormone levels are where they need to be. I appreciate him being thorough so we aren't wasting time and/or money unnecessarily.
He also threw me a curve ball today when he said that he wanted to test is my adrenal glands were working right and my cholesterol...just so we have the whole picture. I'm not sure why but all of that took the wind out of my sails. It took a lot of control to get through the appointment and get to the car and call J.D.---then I lost it! I really don't know if I can handle one more system in my body NOT working the way it supposed to BUT I'm glad to know that if there is a problem there are things we can do to fix it and in the end it may actually help us get pregnant.
So much for not letting infertility take over our life! In my searching online today about adrenal glands and infertility I came across this article
http://www.999reasonstolaugh.com/2010/10/707-getting-pregnant-can-be-hard/
that made me literally laugh out loud. Oh man! Someone missed something in 8th grade health class, I think!
I have learned a few things today...
1) I have the best husband in the world!
(I already knew this but how glad am I that I married my best friend and the man that brings so much joy into my heart and soul.)
2) Laughter is the best medicine.
3) An idle mind is the devil's playground...kick him out and get busy doing something! For me the saving grace was chemistry lab. I never thought I would be grateful for chem lab and shifting equations.
4) I love quotes especially inspired words from the General Authorities. Today this one did the trick...
“Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is ...not simply enduring; it is enduring well!”
Dieter F. Uchtdorf
5) When you can no longer stand, kneel! For reals, turning it over to my Savior soothes my soul.
Until next time...
Today I had more blood work done to see if the synthroid is working and the right level for me and a follow up visit with Dr. H. We are going to wait at least one more month before we attempt the IUI and I have to take the high doses of birth control pills (basically high levels of estrogen to regulate my cycle.) In reality it may be several more months after that before we actually try the IUI because he wants to make sure everything is ok and hormone levels are where they need to be. I appreciate him being thorough so we aren't wasting time and/or money unnecessarily.
He also threw me a curve ball today when he said that he wanted to test is my adrenal glands were working right and my cholesterol...just so we have the whole picture. I'm not sure why but all of that took the wind out of my sails. It took a lot of control to get through the appointment and get to the car and call J.D.---then I lost it! I really don't know if I can handle one more system in my body NOT working the way it supposed to BUT I'm glad to know that if there is a problem there are things we can do to fix it and in the end it may actually help us get pregnant.
So much for not letting infertility take over our life! In my searching online today about adrenal glands and infertility I came across this article
http://www.999reasonstolaugh.com/2010/10/707-getting-pregnant-can-be-hard/
that made me literally laugh out loud. Oh man! Someone missed something in 8th grade health class, I think!
I have learned a few things today...
1) I have the best husband in the world!
(I already knew this but how glad am I that I married my best friend and the man that brings so much joy into my heart and soul.)
2) Laughter is the best medicine.
3) An idle mind is the devil's playground...kick him out and get busy doing something! For me the saving grace was chemistry lab. I never thought I would be grateful for chem lab and shifting equations.
4) I love quotes especially inspired words from the General Authorities. Today this one did the trick...
“Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is ...not simply enduring; it is enduring well!”
Dieter F. Uchtdorf
5) When you can no longer stand, kneel! For reals, turning it over to my Savior soothes my soul.
Until next time...
Monday, October 18, 2010
Decisions
As much as I don't want this to become about our infertility struggles I need to get some things off my chest tonight. First, I am grateful for my wonderful, supportive and strong (in mind and spirit) husband. He was gone last week in Idaho helping my brother and the crew with the fall cattle roundup. He came home on Saturday to a me in bed with a heating pad and unable to move with the exception of a couple of trips downstairs this is where I have been ever since. I even had to call into work today because of my body's reaction to the medications. However, this reaction is both a good and bad thing. While it has scared me and put me down in bed for a few days (I am crossing my fingers that is that case)- that is the bad part, the good part is that it is prepping my body the way it needs to...we hope!
Today has been a VERY emotional day. I have broken down several times as I tried to and was finally successful getting a hold of Dr. H's office to find out what to do next. I have been trying since last Friday and finally tonight was able to speak to the doctor on call since the nurses' haven't returned my repeated calls asking what to do next and I didn't think to just ask for Dr. H since the nurse practitioners in his office don't return calls like they assured me they would when I had "many questions about what to expect" (that is what we were told by the nurse practitioner when we were going over the fine details after our meeting with Dr. H).
Basically what I learned when talking to the doctor tonight is that my body didn't react the way the Dr. H apparently expected but this does happen to other women that have PCOS, so I don't necessarily need to be alarmed. The way it was described to me was this...polycystic ovaries release a lot of estrogen into your system. This is like putting fertilizer on a lawn but never mowing the lawn. Progesterone is essentially the lawn mower but apparently my body doesn't produce enough of that on it's own so that is the purpose of the provera. The thing that really scared me tonight when I was talking to the doctor on the phone was his recommendation to have biopsy of my uterus done because a lot of buildup can cause cancer...WOW! WHAT??!! (This is one of the reasons why I'm glad J.D. was home because I about had a panic attack and started crying when the Dr. was telling me all this and I just handed him the phone and told him to talk to the doctor while I tried to compose myself.)
I was diagnosed with PCOS in the '90s and have had similar reactions to progesterone in the past but this is the first time I have been told that a biopsy would be a good idea. The good news...he said if I was to get cancer this would be the one to get because it is easily treatable. The doc I talked to recommended that I call Dr. H in the morning to find out what he recommends that we do next. The doc we talked to tonight said we could continue with the medical d&c which is essentially what we are doing now taking provera OR do a surgical d&c...for those of you who don't know what that is- a d&c is a procedure that is usually done after a miscarriage but has been used for women with PCOS too for the same purpose of basically giving you a "clean" uterus. After looking at some information online tonight was are learning very heavily toward the idea of just continuing with the medication even though it may take a few more months because of the risks involved with a surgical procedure and the $$$.
We have some major decisions to make- many of which will come after we have a chance to talk to Dr. H tomorrow. I have to just say how blessed I am to have married such a good and supportive man. All of this obviously affects both of us but it is my body going through all the tests, etc. and J.D. is right here holding my hand and supporting me every step of the way. I am so grateful to be married to a man that lives worthy and honors the priesthood that he holds so he can give me a blessing at a moments notice. It is such an amazing feeling to not only feel the love of my wonderful husband but to have him be the mouthpiece for my Heavenly Father to give me comfort and peace in my heart and mind as we go through this trial.
Today has been a VERY emotional day. I have broken down several times as I tried to and was finally successful getting a hold of Dr. H's office to find out what to do next. I have been trying since last Friday and finally tonight was able to speak to the doctor on call since the nurses' haven't returned my repeated calls asking what to do next and I didn't think to just ask for Dr. H since the nurse practitioners in his office don't return calls like they assured me they would when I had "many questions about what to expect" (that is what we were told by the nurse practitioner when we were going over the fine details after our meeting with Dr. H).
Basically what I learned when talking to the doctor tonight is that my body didn't react the way the Dr. H apparently expected but this does happen to other women that have PCOS, so I don't necessarily need to be alarmed. The way it was described to me was this...polycystic ovaries release a lot of estrogen into your system. This is like putting fertilizer on a lawn but never mowing the lawn. Progesterone is essentially the lawn mower but apparently my body doesn't produce enough of that on it's own so that is the purpose of the provera. The thing that really scared me tonight when I was talking to the doctor on the phone was his recommendation to have biopsy of my uterus done because a lot of buildup can cause cancer...WOW! WHAT??!! (This is one of the reasons why I'm glad J.D. was home because I about had a panic attack and started crying when the Dr. was telling me all this and I just handed him the phone and told him to talk to the doctor while I tried to compose myself.)
I was diagnosed with PCOS in the '90s and have had similar reactions to progesterone in the past but this is the first time I have been told that a biopsy would be a good idea. The good news...he said if I was to get cancer this would be the one to get because it is easily treatable. The doc I talked to recommended that I call Dr. H in the morning to find out what he recommends that we do next. The doc we talked to tonight said we could continue with the medical d&c which is essentially what we are doing now taking provera OR do a surgical d&c...for those of you who don't know what that is- a d&c is a procedure that is usually done after a miscarriage but has been used for women with PCOS too for the same purpose of basically giving you a "clean" uterus. After looking at some information online tonight was are learning very heavily toward the idea of just continuing with the medication even though it may take a few more months because of the risks involved with a surgical procedure and the $$$.
We have some major decisions to make- many of which will come after we have a chance to talk to Dr. H tomorrow. I have to just say how blessed I am to have married such a good and supportive man. All of this obviously affects both of us but it is my body going through all the tests, etc. and J.D. is right here holding my hand and supporting me every step of the way. I am so grateful to be married to a man that lives worthy and honors the priesthood that he holds so he can give me a blessing at a moments notice. It is such an amazing feeling to not only feel the love of my wonderful husband but to have him be the mouthpiece for my Heavenly Father to give me comfort and peace in my heart and mind as we go through this trial.
Monday, September 20, 2010
And So It Begins...
JD and I have been married for 18 months now. I have shared before that we decided before we were married that we weren't going to postpone having children because we were both over 30 and we both want kids so why wait. Well here we are 18 months later and still no baby. I am so grateful that the idea of getting pregnant and starting our family hasn't taken over my/our life. It would be a lie to say that I haven't shed more than a few tears in the last 18 months but overall I have been patient- which is not a virtue that I normally have- in this "trial".
I haven't quite figured out if my trials are just not that difficult to bear because I am so weak or if I have just been blessed to find the blessing in my trials. I like to think that I am just able to find those "hidden" blessings. For instance, while it is has been a struggle for us to become pregnant and we are obviously going to need help to make it happen, I can't express enough gratitude for the time that JD and I have had to just be married and enjoy each other and figure out what things are important to us and how we want to raise a family.
It has also been an interesting experience that I have come in contact with several women that are having the same struggles. It somehow makes it easier because I know we aren't the only ones struggling especially when you see people around you that are able to get pregnant with no issues (or so it seems from the outside looking in) and complain the whole time about how inconvenient it is to have kids or be pregnant or both. I have had to bite my tongue several times and just smile through the internal turmoil several times but it is short lived...usually.
Anyway, one woman I met when I was working at Massage Envy. I always let my clients determine if they talked during their massage. After all they are paying for that time so they should be allowed that at the very least, right? Fortunately this one client in particular decided to talk, which led to me asking questions...and the flood gates opened, for which I am so grateful. She told me about her experience with infertility and how she and her husband had tried for 8 years to have a baby and had just had their little boy 3 months before I met her. She told me of different doctors that she had gone to in those years and the funny things she and her husband had started saying to people when questioned about starting a family. My favorite was them telling a friend of her mother's that they decided not to have kids but get a boat instead because that would be more fun. We both had a good laugh about that. Sometimes it is just easier to laugh about it all.
Well that is where it began. She told me about Dr. H. She said that she had done 5 IUI treatments with another doctor and after going to Dr. H and only one treatment she was pregnant. Maybe it was just her time to be blessed with a wee one but she said that he and his staff were just different. She said you could tell that they had compassion and were knowledgeable.
Soooo... on October 4 we are going to meet Dr. H for our first consult. I'm excited and I'm nervous. I'm excited for the possibility of getting some answers and moving forward and (fingers crossed) adding a wee babe to our home. I am nervous because of the what ifs. What if... we really can't have children for some reason. What if...we can have children and through these procedures we end up with a multiples-greater than two or three! ( I guess then it would be count your blessings name them one by...more than one??...lol What if...I'm not a good mom, what if we really aren't ready for parenthood like we think we are, what if, what if, what if.
Until next time...
I haven't quite figured out if my trials are just not that difficult to bear because I am so weak or if I have just been blessed to find the blessing in my trials. I like to think that I am just able to find those "hidden" blessings. For instance, while it is has been a struggle for us to become pregnant and we are obviously going to need help to make it happen, I can't express enough gratitude for the time that JD and I have had to just be married and enjoy each other and figure out what things are important to us and how we want to raise a family.
It has also been an interesting experience that I have come in contact with several women that are having the same struggles. It somehow makes it easier because I know we aren't the only ones struggling especially when you see people around you that are able to get pregnant with no issues (or so it seems from the outside looking in) and complain the whole time about how inconvenient it is to have kids or be pregnant or both. I have had to bite my tongue several times and just smile through the internal turmoil several times but it is short lived...usually.
Anyway, one woman I met when I was working at Massage Envy. I always let my clients determine if they talked during their massage. After all they are paying for that time so they should be allowed that at the very least, right? Fortunately this one client in particular decided to talk, which led to me asking questions...and the flood gates opened, for which I am so grateful. She told me about her experience with infertility and how she and her husband had tried for 8 years to have a baby and had just had their little boy 3 months before I met her. She told me of different doctors that she had gone to in those years and the funny things she and her husband had started saying to people when questioned about starting a family. My favorite was them telling a friend of her mother's that they decided not to have kids but get a boat instead because that would be more fun. We both had a good laugh about that. Sometimes it is just easier to laugh about it all.
Well that is where it began. She told me about Dr. H. She said that she had done 5 IUI treatments with another doctor and after going to Dr. H and only one treatment she was pregnant. Maybe it was just her time to be blessed with a wee one but she said that he and his staff were just different. She said you could tell that they had compassion and were knowledgeable.
Soooo... on October 4 we are going to meet Dr. H for our first consult. I'm excited and I'm nervous. I'm excited for the possibility of getting some answers and moving forward and (fingers crossed) adding a wee babe to our home. I am nervous because of the what ifs. What if... we really can't have children for some reason. What if...we can have children and through these procedures we end up with a multiples-greater than two or three! ( I guess then it would be count your blessings name them one by...more than one??...lol What if...I'm not a good mom, what if we really aren't ready for parenthood like we think we are, what if, what if, what if.
Until next time...
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sharing time
It hit me this morning that I needed to get these feelings off my chest after I read my friend Tara's status of Facebook this morning that she and her husband are expecting baby #3 after five years of unsuccessful fertility treatments and adopting their adorable son two years ago. I am beyond thrilled for Tara and Mike and their pregnancy. I know this is something they have prayed so hard for and I can only think that they were supposed to have Tyson in their home or they wouldn't have had to go through the trial of infertility.
My friend, Holly has inspired me to share my story with all of you out there that read my blog too...I think there are a few anyway. Go to her blog (2friendz1goal.blogspot.com) to read her story and that of a friend of hers that are fighting the same battle that we are facing in our home. I so appreciate Holly because I sent her an email about a month ago asking her about her treatments. etc and she was so open and candid with me. I am so blessed to have so many friends and family that understand the battle and I think we can support each other through this.
So as the title reads I am sharing our struggle with fertility. J.D. and I decided almost immediately that we wanted to try to have kids after we got married. While we were engaged we talked about waiting for awhile but after a trip to my doctor we decided it probably wasn't a good idea to wait...just in case it took us awhile to get pregnant. My doctor's exact words were, " I wouldn't advise you to wait to conceive based on your health conditions and your age." Fantastic! Well as of today we have been married six months and that appointment with the doctor was 2 weeks after we were married.
For those that don't know- which would be most, if not all of those that read this- I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and Insulin Resistance. The two go hand in hand for most people and in this case I am most people. It's almost like one creates the other, which to be perfectly honest SUCKS! We have done 3 treatments of Clomid with no success. Basically, the Clomid is supposed to help me ovulate which I don't do because of PCOS. I faithfully take my temperature every morning and if by some chance I forget my sweet J.D. reminds me to take it. Honestly, I know what it is supposed to show but I fax it to the doctor and he takes a look at it and tells me if it looks like I ovulated or not. After 3 rounds of the medication I'm still not ovulating.
This past month he changed the prescription to Femara, which is what the reproductive endocrinologist that works from his office prescribes if Clomid doesn't work for people, which I am told Clomid usually works. I am also on a drug called Metformin for Insulin Resistance. It appears that for most people Metformin helps them drop weight...not for me. Actually that may not be entirely true- when I was living and working in Arizona I hadn't been taking metformin and when I started taking it I lost 30 pounds. I have lost another 10 pounds since we got married and started taking the medication again regularly like I'm supposed to and I'm now hovering at a weight I will not post on here. My doctor has told me he has all but maxed me out of the metformin medication and we have a few more options available before we need to get really concerned about not conceiving yet.
I know many that read this will be thinking that 5 or 6 months doesn't seem like that long of a time to try to have a child but because of my age it seems like it is forever. I know I'm not old in the big scheme of things, nor do I feel old but this is so frustrating to me. I am thrilled beyond words for friends, co-workers, cousins, etc that are pregnant or have had no issue getting pregnant. I know that many will say just quit worrying about it and it will happen...oh how I wish that was the case. For me, I'm actually pretty relaxed about the whole situation believe it or not. I keep telling myself that things will work out the way that we would want them to and to have faith and remember that Heavenly Father knows what He is doing.
As for what we are doing that is within our control that can help our chances. We have started working out in the mornings at the Pleasant Grove Rec Center. It's no surprise that I'm not a morning person and I'm not sure that I didn't snap at J.D. the first morning we went and worked out but once we got there and I started moving I felt great and had so much energy all day. I actually enjoy working out. I like the feeling of sore muscles because I know that I have done something good for me and my body that is causing it. I like challenging myself to push just a little harder to reach goals. I am so lucky to have such a supportive husband that is a morning person that keeps on me to get out of bed and go workout because that is going to help us in many ways. We laugh that the real trial of going to the gym is coming now because the cooler weather of fall and winter is about to set in. I think with each of us encouraging the other we can make it happen.
I won't lie and tell you that my heart doesn't ache just a little bit every time I see a baby or a pregnant woman. I know I'm a newlywed and and should be enjoying this time in our lives (which we are, please don't think we aren't) but it is my God given gift and responsibility to be a mother. I want nothing more than to hold a sweet baby in my arms and to be called mama. My sweet, J.D. comforts me when I get a little more than emotional about the whole subject and I couldn't ask for a better companion to go through this with. When I start doubting our chances of having children he assures me that everything will work out one way or another. I rest assured with that promise that one way or another we will have a child or children of our own to raise.
Please know I'm not sharing this because I want sympathy or anything like that. I wrote it to be brave because as Holly wrote in her blog...sharing with others from your own experience can help someone else. Also, since you know of our experience and you have gone through something similar please share it with me...there is strength in numbers, right?
Until next time...
My friend, Holly has inspired me to share my story with all of you out there that read my blog too...I think there are a few anyway. Go to her blog (2friendz1goal.blogspot.com) to read her story and that of a friend of hers that are fighting the same battle that we are facing in our home. I so appreciate Holly because I sent her an email about a month ago asking her about her treatments. etc and she was so open and candid with me. I am so blessed to have so many friends and family that understand the battle and I think we can support each other through this.
So as the title reads I am sharing our struggle with fertility. J.D. and I decided almost immediately that we wanted to try to have kids after we got married. While we were engaged we talked about waiting for awhile but after a trip to my doctor we decided it probably wasn't a good idea to wait...just in case it took us awhile to get pregnant. My doctor's exact words were, " I wouldn't advise you to wait to conceive based on your health conditions and your age." Fantastic! Well as of today we have been married six months and that appointment with the doctor was 2 weeks after we were married.
For those that don't know- which would be most, if not all of those that read this- I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and Insulin Resistance. The two go hand in hand for most people and in this case I am most people. It's almost like one creates the other, which to be perfectly honest SUCKS! We have done 3 treatments of Clomid with no success. Basically, the Clomid is supposed to help me ovulate which I don't do because of PCOS. I faithfully take my temperature every morning and if by some chance I forget my sweet J.D. reminds me to take it. Honestly, I know what it is supposed to show but I fax it to the doctor and he takes a look at it and tells me if it looks like I ovulated or not. After 3 rounds of the medication I'm still not ovulating.
This past month he changed the prescription to Femara, which is what the reproductive endocrinologist that works from his office prescribes if Clomid doesn't work for people, which I am told Clomid usually works. I am also on a drug called Metformin for Insulin Resistance. It appears that for most people Metformin helps them drop weight...not for me. Actually that may not be entirely true- when I was living and working in Arizona I hadn't been taking metformin and when I started taking it I lost 30 pounds. I have lost another 10 pounds since we got married and started taking the medication again regularly like I'm supposed to and I'm now hovering at a weight I will not post on here. My doctor has told me he has all but maxed me out of the metformin medication and we have a few more options available before we need to get really concerned about not conceiving yet.
I know many that read this will be thinking that 5 or 6 months doesn't seem like that long of a time to try to have a child but because of my age it seems like it is forever. I know I'm not old in the big scheme of things, nor do I feel old but this is so frustrating to me. I am thrilled beyond words for friends, co-workers, cousins, etc that are pregnant or have had no issue getting pregnant. I know that many will say just quit worrying about it and it will happen...oh how I wish that was the case. For me, I'm actually pretty relaxed about the whole situation believe it or not. I keep telling myself that things will work out the way that we would want them to and to have faith and remember that Heavenly Father knows what He is doing.
As for what we are doing that is within our control that can help our chances. We have started working out in the mornings at the Pleasant Grove Rec Center. It's no surprise that I'm not a morning person and I'm not sure that I didn't snap at J.D. the first morning we went and worked out but once we got there and I started moving I felt great and had so much energy all day. I actually enjoy working out. I like the feeling of sore muscles because I know that I have done something good for me and my body that is causing it. I like challenging myself to push just a little harder to reach goals. I am so lucky to have such a supportive husband that is a morning person that keeps on me to get out of bed and go workout because that is going to help us in many ways. We laugh that the real trial of going to the gym is coming now because the cooler weather of fall and winter is about to set in. I think with each of us encouraging the other we can make it happen.
I won't lie and tell you that my heart doesn't ache just a little bit every time I see a baby or a pregnant woman. I know I'm a newlywed and and should be enjoying this time in our lives (which we are, please don't think we aren't) but it is my God given gift and responsibility to be a mother. I want nothing more than to hold a sweet baby in my arms and to be called mama. My sweet, J.D. comforts me when I get a little more than emotional about the whole subject and I couldn't ask for a better companion to go through this with. When I start doubting our chances of having children he assures me that everything will work out one way or another. I rest assured with that promise that one way or another we will have a child or children of our own to raise.
Please know I'm not sharing this because I want sympathy or anything like that. I wrote it to be brave because as Holly wrote in her blog...sharing with others from your own experience can help someone else. Also, since you know of our experience and you have gone through something similar please share it with me...there is strength in numbers, right?
Until next time...
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