Gatorade and Protien shakes

In the spirit of keeping track of what goes on during our fertility treatments I am disclosing how rotten I have felt this past week. I am actually proud of myself for making it through four days of work. I didn't do it on my own of course because I have the best husband in the world! I don't know what I would do without him.
The first two days of last week weren't so bad. In fact, I actually made the dinners that JD had requested- one that I need to get posted to my recipe blog because we liked it so much. I started not feeling so great at work on Tuesday. Each day I just felt a little bit worse- my abdomen started to feel bloated and my female parts felt like they were floating in my abdomen- weird huh- you should feel it for yourself-it is odd and not very comfortable- driving over bumps on the road is TORTURE! To say I was a little edgy by Thursday/Friday at work would be an understatement because the symptoms didn't seem to be getting better no matter what I did.
I told JD on Wednesday morning that if I didn't feel better by Monday I was calling Dr. F's office to see if they could give me some answers but by Thursday morning I felt like I better make a call.
They suspect based on the information that I have given them that I may have a case of ovarian hyperstimulation- FANTASTIC...not! I was told to drink lots of fluids with electrolytes like Gatorade and drink protein shakes with 30g protein. I didn't ask why I just called JD and asked him to bring me some gatorade to work pronto. I was able to look up ovarian hyperstimulation online and it appears that it happens after the "trigger shot" of hCG- which makes a lot of sense because I felt fine until a day or so after the trigger shot. This same thing happened during IUI #2 but it wasn't as severe or uncomfortable. The good news is this doesn't mean that the IUI won't work, in fact it can be prolonged because it is the hCG that "caused" the issues and my body with start making hCG if I am pregnant. I'm actually so glad I have a job where I don't sit around a lot because right now when I sit down it causes me to not be able to breath very well- it works best if I am lying down because I can breath.
The worst part of all of this (besides feeling like a bloated cow) is that JD is worried and I can see it on his face. I can't seem to get comfortable and when I start to cry he does everything he can think of to help me be comfortable. He went shopping at Costco- on a Saturday when it seems they are the busiest-which he HATES- just to get protein shakes that I like. He bought 20 bottles of gatorade and keeps reminding me to drink it. The poor guy I'm sure feels helpless but I couldn't do this without him- how I got so lucky is a mystery to me even now.
I know this too shall pass and it will be a faint memory eventually but right now I'm going to drink some more gatorade.

Until next time...

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

That is the sound that will be playing in my head for the next two weeks. We just got home from Dr. F's office and IUI #3. I am now in bed and going to rest for the remainder of the day. Resting is not a requirement after an IUI but JD woke me up from a sound sleep after I passed out on the couch last night and it messed up my body clock and I want to get it reset- at this very moment my eyes are fighting to stay awake.
Please say a little prayer for us over this next two weeks.
Until next time...

Progress

We had another ultrasound this morning. I have been so hesitant to be hopeful but anxious to see what all of these injections are doing. We have some progress which is great news. We have to have a follicle or follicles- but no more than three- that are least 18mm to do the IUI. Today we had one that was a 16.8 and the rest were 12mm or below. Dr. F wants us to do injections today and tomorrow and come back on Thursday to check how the follicles look at that point. Unless something goes crazy we will likely be doing IUI #3 on Friday. I also have to do ovulation predictor kits because we don't want to miss an opportunity with the 16.8 follicle. We are hoping and praying that a couple of the 12mm follicles get the boost they need today and tomorrow so we have at least three follicles for this IUI. It only takes one follicle in reality but I'm not opposed to increasing our odds at this point. While this is good news I am still just as hesitant to be hopeful about all of this after it didn't work with #1 and the miscarriage with #2. I hope that old saying of third times the charm works for us this time but I'm not counting on anything at this point.
On a different/similar note...I got out my patriarchal blessing the other day and read it through. I also read JD's again. We have both been promised we will have children which brings me some peace. I don't know that I will bear those children in my womb but I do know that we will be blessed with children in our home. We have beautiful promises that relate to our children and the other night I needed to be reminded of those promises. Reading through my blessing again also helped to remind me of the responsibilities I have to receive those blessings. It was so nice to feel that peace and have those reminders.

Until next time...

Broken

We are in the depths of IUI #3. Today, at this moment, I say it is the last one. We just got back from our first ultrasound- after 5 days of clomid and 4 days of Gonal f injections and all of the follicles (which I didn't ask how many she measured) are 10 mm or less in size. We need them to be at least an 18 mm to move forward. Thank goodness JD was with me and thank goodness I have learned to be able to control my tears of frustration with myself and my body until I am in the privacy of my vehicle or home.
I feel like my body, mind and spirit is broken. I have been hesitant to be outwardly hopeful or excited about this cycle after the miscarriage with IUI #2. I know this battle is worth it and I will come out a better person on the other side of all of this but today I just want to feel sorry for myself....and cry...and be angry...and unreasonable about the whole situation.
AM at Dr. F's office told me not to get frustrated with my ovaries because we know they work but they are just stubborn. I have always thought I was stubborn and my ovaries are showing just how much a part of me they are again....and again...and again. I just keep reminding myself that slow and steady wins the race- at least I hope that concept applies here.
Besides feeling physically and mentally broken I feel financially broken too. I was just saying to JD yesterday I would love if some of the money we are spending trying to get pregnant could be spent on buying things to prepare for the arrival of our children but instead I got to spend another $780 on medication today for five more days of injections...hopefully 9 days is our magic number this time.
Even though I do feel broken and want to hide in my house away from anything and everyone in my life I can't express adequate gratitude for the prayers that have been sent heavenward for us. My family, friends and co-workers- who are quickly becoming good friends- your thoughtfulness and support does not go unnoticed. I think sometimes I come off as very harsh when I get asked about what is going on or appear to not care much about the outcome of all of this. Please know I am grateful for your concern and interest even though I may at times seem distant.

Until next time...