Sharing time

It hit me this morning that I needed to get these feelings off my chest after I read my friend Tara's status of Facebook this morning that she and her husband are expecting baby #3 after five years of unsuccessful fertility treatments and adopting their adorable son two years ago. I am beyond thrilled for Tara and Mike and their pregnancy. I know this is something they have prayed so hard for and I can only think that they were supposed to have Tyson in their home or they wouldn't have had to go through the trial of infertility.

My friend, Holly has inspired me to share my story with all of you out there that read my blog too...I think there are a few anyway. Go to her blog (2friendz1goal.blogspot.com) to read her story and that of a friend of hers that are fighting the same battle that we are facing in our home. I so appreciate Holly because I sent her an email about a month ago asking her about her treatments. etc and she was so open and candid with me. I am so blessed to have so many friends and family that understand the battle and I think we can support each other through this.

So as the title reads I am sharing our struggle with fertility. J.D. and I decided almost immediately that we wanted to try to have kids after we got married. While we were engaged we talked about waiting for awhile but after a trip to my doctor we decided it probably wasn't a good idea to wait...just in case it took us awhile to get pregnant. My doctor's exact words were, " I wouldn't advise you to wait to conceive based on your health conditions and your age." Fantastic! Well as of today we have been married six months and that appointment with the doctor was 2 weeks after we were married.

For those that don't know- which would be most, if not all of those that read this- I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and Insulin Resistance. The two go hand in hand for most people and in this case I am most people. It's almost like one creates the other, which to be perfectly honest SUCKS! We have done 3 treatments of Clomid with no success. Basically, the Clomid is supposed to help me ovulate which I don't do because of PCOS. I faithfully take my temperature every morning and if by some chance I forget my sweet J.D. reminds me to take it. Honestly, I know what it is supposed to show but I fax it to the doctor and he takes a look at it and tells me if it looks like I ovulated or not. After 3 rounds of the medication I'm still not ovulating.

This past month he changed the prescription to Femara, which is what the reproductive endocrinologist that works from his office prescribes if Clomid doesn't work for people, which I am told Clomid usually works. I am also on a drug called Metformin for Insulin Resistance. It appears that for most people Metformin helps them drop weight...not for me. Actually that may not be entirely true- when I was living and working in Arizona I hadn't been taking metformin and when I started taking it I lost 30 pounds. I have lost another 10 pounds since we got married and started taking the medication again regularly like I'm supposed to and I'm now hovering at a weight I will not post on here. My doctor has told me he has all but maxed me out of the metformin medication and we have a few more options available before we need to get really concerned about not conceiving yet.

I know many that read this will be thinking that 5 or 6 months doesn't seem like that long of a time to try to have a child but because of my age it seems like it is forever. I know I'm not old in the big scheme of things, nor do I feel old but this is so frustrating to me. I am thrilled beyond words for friends, co-workers, cousins, etc that are pregnant or have had no issue getting pregnant. I know that many will say just quit worrying about it and it will happen...oh how I wish that was the case. For me, I'm actually pretty relaxed about the whole situation believe it or not. I keep telling myself that things will work out the way that we would want them to and to have faith and remember that Heavenly Father knows what He is doing.

As for what we are doing that is within our control that can help our chances. We have started working out in the mornings at the Pleasant Grove Rec Center. It's no surprise that I'm not a morning person and I'm not sure that I didn't snap at J.D. the first morning we went and worked out but once we got there and I started moving I felt great and had so much energy all day. I actually enjoy working out. I like the feeling of sore muscles because I know that I have done something good for me and my body that is causing it. I like challenging myself to push just a little harder to reach goals. I am so lucky to have such a supportive husband that is a morning person that keeps on me to get out of bed and go workout because that is going to help us in many ways. We laugh that the real trial of going to the gym is coming now because the cooler weather of fall and winter is about to set in. I think with each of us encouraging the other we can make it happen.

I won't lie and tell you that my heart doesn't ache just a little bit every time I see a baby or a pregnant woman. I know I'm a newlywed and and should be enjoying this time in our lives (which we are, please don't think we aren't) but it is my God given gift and responsibility to be a mother. I want nothing more than to hold a sweet baby in my arms and to be called mama. My sweet, J.D. comforts me when I get a little more than emotional about the whole subject and I couldn't ask for a better companion to go through this with. When I start doubting our chances of having children he assures me that everything will work out one way or another. I rest assured with that promise that one way or another we will have a child or children of our own to raise.

Please know I'm not sharing this because I want sympathy or anything like that. I wrote it to be brave because as Holly wrote in her blog...sharing with others from your own experience can help someone else. Also, since you know of our experience and you have gone through something similar please share it with me...there is strength in numbers, right?

Until next time...