Work, School and Adoption

I started school again last Wednesday. It is going to be a fantastic semester! I am taking Anatomy and Physiology. Before you comment that I'm crazy for taking these two classes together- I already know! It is going to be a lot of hard work, let there be no mistake about it but I have great professors and my sister and I are taking the classes "together". By together I mean she is also taking the classes at the same school (Salt Lake Community College) but from different professors so we will be able to bounce ideas off each other and study together- at least a little bit.

JD continues to stay busy at work and with the freelance jobs that he works on from home. He is such a hard worker and I appreciate him so much. He is such a wonderful provider and support to me. He is constantly studying new programming languages that will help add depth to his skills and make him more marketable. He plans on returning to school eventually and getting his Master's degree in Computer Science. He likes the program at BYU so it's a good thing we live in Utah County- at it appears we will be for awhile. As of now, it will probably not happen until I am done with my nursing degree or until he finds a job that has tuition reimbursement to help pay for the cost.

And finally...we are thrilled and anxious to be meeting with LDS Family Services on September 7 for an adoption orientation meeting. That's right we are going to adopt. We aren't sure what to expect except that we will get the paperwork to start filling it out. It can take up to a year and more to have a child placed but we are looking forward to the road ahead and the experiences we will have and the opportunity to meet birth mothers and welcoming a baby into our home.

I have the unique opportunity to occasionally take care of birth mothers placing their babies for adoption at the hospital and it never short of extraordinary seeing the love those women have for their babies and what a sacrifice they are making to give those children a better life. I am so grateful that adoption is an option for us and that we will be starting the process soon. So with all of that said we would appreciate your prayers and letting anyone you may know that we want to add to our family through adoption.



Until next time...

Grandma's Bible

Aunt Katie brought a bunch of treasures from grandma's house with her to Salmon last weekend. It was such a treat to look through and remember grandma using some of the things that were there and see pictures that brought back so many memories. Aunt Katie was so generous to let us look through the things that she brought and let us take our pick of the things that were there- a priceless treasure to have an opportunity like that. I have many wonderful things that I am so thrilled to have that bring back so many memories from childhood. I have several treasures and can't express enough gratitude to my Aunt Katie and her willingness to share these treasures with all of us!



However, the purpose of this post is about my grandma's Bible. I know it may sound silly but I never knew my grandma had a Bible because she never had it out nor did she preach to us in the traditional sense. She did teach us how to treat each other in her actions and words...such an amazing woman! I really wish that I could sit down and talk to her on these days that I struggle- she had such an amazing ability to calm my heart and mind.

Grandma was raised Catholic and was a practicing Catholic until an unfortunate interaction with a priest when she lived in Pocatello. I remember her telling me this story many times and how she was so shocked but the questions she was being asked about her relationship with grandpa and she always ended the story by saying "I'm not sure that old goat wasn't going to try and ask me on a date!" I was always shocked to hear the story but always laughed when she told it too. The sad part of the story is that such an important part of grandma's life had a door closed because of that single interaction. Grandma always taught me that going to church and being religious are not mutually exclusive. She always said she "had a little church in her heart." Her little church taught of love, acceptance and turning the other cheek...oh to be like my grandmother. In reality, my grandma was a woman with a prayer on her heart at all times. There were things that weighed heavy on her mind and heart and as much as we liked to tease her (and for good reason) that she worried too much I like to think she turned many of her worries over to God.

Anyway, while Aunt Katie and Uncle David were cleaning out grandma's house earlier this summer they found grandma's Bible with her name "Lois Ann" imprinted on it. They also found her rosary beads. I didn't know it until last weekend but grandma had requested at one point to be buried with her Bible but no one knew where it was. Well it is now found and luckily we were able to honor grandma's request.

When grandma passed in January the plot next to grandpa was selected as her final resting place. When they were digging the plot the skeletal remains of some unnamed person was found in the plot. So the decision was made to bury grandma in a plot where there would be a spot to move grandpa later so they could be side by side which meant grandpa would have to be moved. The later date to move grandpa was this past Monday. Aunt Katie made the trip to Dubois and placed grandma's Bible and rosary beads on top of grandpa's burial vault to be buried next to grandma. I can't help but believe that she would be pleased with how it all worked out.



Until next time...

Sullivan Family Float Trip 2011

Last weekend was the 3rd Annual Sullivan Family Float Trip in Carmen, ID. It is always such a good time to get together with the Sullivan crew!! We sure missed Jared and his family and Chad and Kaycee- hopefully the whole group will be together next year!

It was so great to get out of the city and relax with family for several days! It was the R&R that we needed. Dad and Lisa are excellent hosts and everyone has such a great time but really what isn't to enjoy about a day on the river floating on a lounge chair with a few "wild" rapids for some excitement, an awesome steak and other fantastic food and treats not to mention the good company and a little camping right by the river. We have the best family!!



These pictures have no rhyme or reason because I can't figure out how to move them into the order I want them.

A view of Carmen/Salmon from the top of the mountain behind the house...BEAUTIFUL!

Getting directions and playing some basketball before taking the ATV's to see the valley from the top of the mountain. It was beautiful but scary ride- we didn't make it all the way to the top because Tiff and I chickened out. JD asked Dad to take him back up all the way to the top next time we visit.

Dad had a little buddy named "R" during the weekend. He asked to go for a ride on the tra-tor so what is a good grandpa to do but take the little cutie for a ride. "R" went out several times on the Gator to check the cows in the pasture below the house with grandpa too...he loved it.

I wish I would have snapped a picture or two of that because it was the cutest thing to see that little guy in the seat next to grandpa. Oh the memories both grandpa and "R" are going to have!

Gathered around the table just relaxing after the river and before a fantastic steak!

JD, Cody, Kylie, Uncle David, Drew

Around the campfire on the island.

Tiff with "T", Ryan, Lisa and Dad



The whole crew after spending a day on the Salmon River

(even the youngest at 3 months was on the river and he was a trooper)

Dad had shirts printed (what a fun idea) to remember the weekend.

Seriously, the best weekend which made the 7 hour trip back to Utah and reality that much more difficult. JD and I camped by the river the first night. I don't know that I slept more than a few hours because I was convinced that a bear was going to attack us while we were sleeping and every noise I heard I was sure was that bear crossing the river to "get us". Keep in mind that dad and Lisa have never told us they have seen a bear on or near the island where we were camped but we are in the mountains and no doubt there are bears in the area. Funny now but not so funny when you are literally scared stiff. The second night we stayed in the camper- I slept much better that night. Tiff and Ryan and their boys camped by the river for two nights too. Such a treat to be able to camp in the fresh mountain air.

Finally, my cousin Chad and his wife Kaycee weren't able to be there for the trip this year because they were at the hospital welcoming a new little baby boy into this crazy world. Little Ryker was born while we were floating the river on Saturday. We were yelling up and down the river to each other (it's difficult to stay together sometimes when floating on lounge chairs and tubes) about vital statistics of this cute little guy. We were able to stop by and see the newest member of the family on our way back to Utah on Monday- what a sweet little guy! Congrats to Chad and Kaycee and welcome to the newest member of this crazy, fun family!



Until next time...

Little Miracles

We welcomed nephew #6 to the family on Friday, April 29. Baby T arrived 7 weeks before his due date. (I guess he must have heard from his big brother just how awesome Aunt Missy is and couldn't wait to get here. :) I'm not putting any vital statistics or his name because that is my sister and her husband's place to share that information not mine and they value privacy and I respect that.
I went up Friday morning to help watch their son and do what I could to help them around the house. It was a fun weekend with Aunt Miss and big brother R and the grandparents. My mom was here and my dad and stepmom. My brother and his family came down on Sunday too and JD came up to visit. I love that in times like this my family rallies together to help each other out. I feel tremendously blessed to have the family I do. We may be crazy and get frustrated with each other sometimes but we are right there ready and waiting if ever there is a need. I am a lucky girl.

The good news is that little T is doing well. He is off oxygen and breathing well. He is gaining weight and eats like a champ(through a feeding tube in his nose- all really important things for a baby in the NICU. I have been able to touch him and kiss his sweet little head several times but we will sure be glad when he can be home with mom, dad and big brother, R and then I can love on him a little bit more. I'm so glad I got to spend time with big brother R and go to the "Diasoar Pawk" (Dinosaur Park) and see his eyes light up with excitement as he runs around. He is such a good boy and knows what he wants and what he doesn't and will tell you- still hard to believe he isn't even two yet.
I have been so impressed with my sister and her husband as they have made their way through this trial. Trying to find a balance between taking care of big brother R and bonding with little T is rough. They live really close to the hospital and luckily have some good friends that have stepped up and offered to help whenever possible. I was there to hear a conversation the other day when they were recognizing the tender mercies from God. One of their good friends is a NICU nurse where little T is and she has been able to answer questions for them and was even little T's nurse yesterday. No we just wait and pray this little angel gets to come home sooner rather than later.

Until next time...

Love of my Father(s)

I have felt so much gratitude lately- especially this past week. I have felt an abundance of love and comfort. I don't know about you but I don't typically talk about my lady business with my dad...and let's be honest the main issue with us not being pregnant is because of my lady business not working properly...or as Dr F (more on him later) says the female plumbing.

Anyway, last week I talked to my dad and funny enough we were talking about taxes. I spouted off about how unfair it is that there are people that never or rarely work that will get a tax refund because they have children where I just get to keep paying both taxes and doctor bills and I don't know if I will ever have kids. He asked what was going on and that he would sure like more grand kids. I told him that I have some issues with my body not working properly and told him how much everything costs.

Just so you have an idea- for each IUI we do it is around $800- 1000 and again no guarantee that it will work- which was the case last month and that is just our out of pocket costs. If we end up having to do IVF it is $12,000- OUCH! We have great insurance but fertility treatments are not covered- which is "normal" because it is considered a lifestyle choice. (Don't even get me started on that!) Ultrasounds and doctor visits are covered but the medications, injections and procedures are not covered...kinda sucks but what's a girl to do.

My dad immediately offered any help he may be able to give. I assured him we are doing fine but I appreciated the offer. It struck me later as I was talking to J.D. about my conversation with dad how lucky I am. Basically the light bulb came on for me- if my earthly Father loves me as much as he does and that he hates to see the struggles that we are going through to have a family (among other things) how can I comprehend just how much love my Heavenly Father has for me. He knows all things, he knows of my struggles without the words needing to cross my lips. I am grateful for this realization= I am one blessed girl!

Until next time...

And So It Begins...

JD and I have been married for 18 months now. I have shared before that we decided before we were married that we weren't going to postpone having children because we were both over 30 and we both want kids so why wait. Well here we are 18 months later and still no baby. I am so grateful that the idea of getting pregnant and starting our family hasn't taken over my/our life. It would be a lie to say that I haven't shed more than a few tears in the last 18 months but overall I have been patient- which is not a virtue that I normally have- in this "trial".

I haven't quite figured out if my trials are just not that difficult to bear because I am so weak or if I have just been blessed to find the blessing in my trials. I like to think that I am just able to find those "hidden" blessings. For instance, while it is has been a struggle for us to become pregnant and we are obviously going to need help to make it happen, I can't express enough gratitude for the time that JD and I have had to just be married and enjoy each other and figure out what things are important to us and how we want to raise a family.
It has also been an interesting experience that I have come in contact with several women that are having the same struggles. It somehow makes it easier because I know we aren't the only ones struggling especially when you see people around you that are able to get pregnant with no issues (or so it seems from the outside looking in) and complain the whole time about how inconvenient it is to have kids or be pregnant or both. I have had to bite my tongue several times and just smile through the internal turmoil several times but it is short lived...usually.

Anyway, one woman I met when I was working at Massage Envy. I always let my clients determine if they talked during their massage. After all they are paying for that time so they should be allowed that at the very least, right? Fortunately this one client in particular decided to talk, which led to me asking questions...and the flood gates opened, for which I am so grateful. She told me about her experience with infertility and how she and her husband had tried for 8 years to have a baby and had just had their little boy 3 months before I met her. She told me of different doctors that she had gone to in those years and the funny things she and her husband had started saying to people when questioned about starting a family. My favorite was them telling a friend of her mother's that they decided not to have kids but get a boat instead because that would be more fun. We both had a good laugh about that. Sometimes it is just easier to laugh about it all.
Well that is where it began. She told me about Dr. H. She said that she had done 5 IUI treatments with another doctor and after going to Dr. H and only one treatment she was pregnant. Maybe it was just her time to be blessed with a wee one but she said that he and his staff were just different. She said you could tell that they had compassion and were knowledgeable.
Soooo... on October 4 we are going to meet Dr. H for our first consult. I'm excited and I'm nervous. I'm excited for the possibility of getting some answers and moving forward and (fingers crossed) adding a wee babe to our home. I am nervous because of the what ifs. What if... we really can't have children for some reason. What if...we can have children and through these procedures we end up with a multiples-greater than two or three! ( I guess then it would be count your blessings name them one by...more than one??...lol What if...I'm not a good mom, what if we really aren't ready for parenthood like we think we are, what if, what if, what if.

Until next time...

I LOVE Summer!

There are so many things to love about summer. When I was growing up it usually meant work on the farm- which I hated at the time but have come to appreciate as I have gotten older. I can truly say I miss days on a swather on the farm- I had a nice tan by the middle of summer from being out all day, for weeks at a time. I miss the smell of fresh hay and the feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day when I was able to cut an 80 acre field (keep in mind that 80 acres on the equipment that they use now would be a TERRIBLY slow day). I am so lucky to live in Pleasant Grove where there are a few farms around still and I get to see and smell the process of harvesting hay. One of these days I'm going to get up the nerve to go knock on the door of one of these farmers and ask them if I can operate the equipment for them for a few hours to get my fix.
I also love being able to play in the dirt aka gardening. We planted our garden in late April- early May (I can't remember exactly) and it is really coming along. I am so glad things are coming up and doing well. I love the taste of fresh fruit and vegetables...mmmm! I love that the food you eat in the summer time is lighter! I could seriously eat melon salad all day, everyday! I am searching for recipes that don't require me to turn on the oven since it really heats up the house and who wants a heavy dinner in the summer heat.

I also love family reunions and playing together outside. We played our first round of golf of the year last weekend and had a great time! We enjoyed the game but afterward is where the real memory begins. JD put his wallet in my purse when we were out on the course. After the game we packed up the golf clubs and grabbed everything from the cart- or so we thought and decided to go to dinner. When we got to the restaurant and I reached in to give JD his wallet and I couldn't find it. I nearly dumped my purse out on the pavement I was so freaked out that it wasn't in there. Luckily my hubby has a cool head and called the golf course and asked them to check the golf carts and we drove back over crossing our fingers they would have found it by the time we got there. Unfortunately when we got there most of the carts were put away and they didn't have a wallet. Luckily we saw the guys that were putting away the carts and asked them if they had found a wallet on the golf cart...they looked confused but told us no....UGH!! So we were told we could take a golf cart and go out on the course and see if we could find it...so we did. Keep in mind that they had already turned on the sprinklers and if you have ever seen a golf course you know they don't use slow flow gentle pressure pop up sprinklers...they use something similar to the sprinkler head that my dad has on the ends of the pivot on the farm...LOTS of water comes out of those suckers and with quite a bit of power behind them. We got a little bit wet as we first got on the course and about hole 4 I saw one of the workers weaving through the golf course and it appeared he was chasing us...which he was. When he got closer I saw that he was waving JD's wallet in the air...HALLELUJAH!! I was driving and was so excited and just took of driving and trying to follow the worker since he seemed to know the way back better than we did. I wasn't paying attention like I should have been and drove us right through a sprinkler and we got wet...well wet doesn't quite cover it we were dripping, soaking wet! I don't think we have laughed that hard in awhile. We decided not to go out to dinner after that since we were so wet. We will get a chance again in a few weeks when JD's company party has a tournament...we are going to play with the same couple we played with last year....good times but hopefully we won't have a sprinkler run after the game next time.

Family reunions are the best...I LOVE my family and the fun we have together. My mom's family has had a family reunion for as long as I can remember and it is always so fun to get together every summer and see family that I don't ever get to see. It is so much fun. Each year a different sibling is responsible for planning the reunion so one person isn't responsible year after year. The food is always fantastic, the company is even better! Last summer we started doing a Sullivan family get together at my dad's place near Salmon. We spend the weekend together with my dad's sister's family including my cousin who flies in from Baltimore. We float the Salmon River- laughing and playing along the way and again lots of good food and just plain fun.

I hope you have fun plans for the summer and enjoy time with family and friends.

Until next time...

A Grateful Heart

I love this time of year. I love the sounds and the smells of Christmas time. I love it that everyone seems to have a more grateful heart and spirit during this Christmas season. I always loved Christmas as a child because it meant time with family...and new toys and stuff too, of course, I was a kid what can you expect. I've really missed over the last several years getting together with my extended family like we used to as kids and no it isn't the presents I miss. I miss the smells of my grandma's house and the yummy dinner we would have and of course all the treats that grandma would make. I miss the chatter of all the kids in the living room (even though there were only 6 grand kids we could make some racket) and the adults in the kitchen during the meals that we would eat. I don't remember when it all changed to be honest. Grandma and Grandpa Sullivan always had the family Christmas get together (we never called it a party) at the ranch. I kinda think we had the party for a few more years after grandpa died. I wonder if us grand kids just got too busy to make the time to go up to the ranch for the family get together. Did we decide it wasn't necessary anymore? I really just don't remember. As I think about this tradition that we used to have as a Sullivan family I can't help but be grateful for those memories.
Remembering grandma making her rum balls and us teasing her about drinking the rum that was supposed to be in the rum balls. I think she may have taken a sip or two but from what I understand the rum balls got the fair share of the rum. (It makes me giggle a little inside just to think about it.) The marshmallow topped yams that grandma made- yummo! Why is it that I can't seem to make mine taste just the same? Oh and let's not forget the heavenly rolls that grandma made- nope we never had store bought rolls at our family dinners they were ALWAYS grandmas rolls. My mom would make a zillion kinds of jello salad. I remember my cousins saying after my parents got divorced that they missed that at family dinners- how funny that something so simple can make such good memories. My memories don't all revolved around the food we ate but the fun we had and the things we did. The kids were always in the living room eating on TV trays and the adults surrounded the kitchen table. We always knew just how to make the TV trays work even with a moving rocking chair to sit in. It makes my heart so happy just to go back to that time in my mind and hear all of the chatter and joy.

I love Idaho!!

There is nothing better than leaving the busy city behind and drivng to Idaho to spend time with my family. I absolutely love it here and for good reasons. I spend Friday afternoon and evening with my mom at Fort Hall. That is one of her favorite places and she convinced me I should go with her. I am opposed to gambling for a couple of reasons...1) I never win and 2) I hate the smoke in casinos. Well one of those wasn't true this trip. I actually did win...not a huge amount of money but enough to pay for my gas this trip home so given the current prices of gas I didn't do to bad either. The smoke however...YUCK!! I smelled like an old cigarette all the way to mom's house and my hair, clothes, etc smelled nasty the next morning. I did a quick load of mixed laundry before I left Saturday morning so everthing else it touched wouldn't have the same stink...EEEEWWW!!

Saturday I made the 3.5 hour drive from St Anthony to North Fork so I could spend the long weekend with my dad and Lisa. I LOVE it here. The hills are green, the trees are still in bloom and the river is beautiful. I got to help get my hands dirty and plant trees this morning with dad. You know it is such a simple thing but one of those little things you miss out on when you live in the city and don't have a yard of your own to play in. It's funny dad even said to me this morning when I was elbow deep in dirt and pitching rocks that were just too big..."You are a farmgirl you are just living in the city for far too long!" I love it! I won't have it being called a city girl. I love all of the culture of the city but I just love being away from it all and just relaxing or helping with those little projects that need to be done.

I just finished up my first quarter of massage therapy school and I'm pretty proud of my grades. I got four A's and 1 B. The B was in Anatomy and I'm determined to make sure I get an A next quarter and until I'm done with Pathology. Who am I kidding...I plan on getting A's in all of my classes from this point forward...no excuses. I keep reminding myself of the quote I had on my wall of my office in Phoenix that reminded me of the success I was requiring of myself..."Failure is NOT an option. However, it is a lingering possibility that keeps me focused on the tasks at hand!" From the first time I read that quote I loved it and I still do and it will help keep me focused on success in the professional massage program and through the Master's program after that.

Life really is good. I'm relaxing on the weekend, enjoying spending time with my family and look forward to the week ahead. I might add that next week will be especially wonderful because I get to spend the night with my nephews and grandma next Friday while Jared and Klar are at Youth Conference. I'm so excited!
Until next time...

PS I'm currently reading A Tree Grew in Brooklyn and it is fantastic. One of the many reasons I love to come to my dad's house- he always has a million books and I can always find something good to read.