Wednesday, April 28, 2010

What is the (my) purpose?

It isn't news to anyone that may read this blog that I was single until I was 31...almost 32. I would be lying if I said I didn't go through times during my years as a young single adult feeling like a failure as a woman, unwanted, unloveable, etc, etc,- the list of negatives could go on and on. I would also be lying if I said I don't have great memories from my years in single-dom. I made my best friends during my years in YSA wards. I had an opportunity to accept a promotion at work and successfully operate a satellite office for Modern Expo in Phoenix, AZ without having to worry about it uprooting a family and many, many other experiences that I won't bore you with now.
I never gave up on the idea that I would get married and have a family. I met J.D. after I had decided I was going to just live my life and if the man I was going to marry showed up in the mix then I would accept it and be happy about it but I was going to L-I-V-E. I am so glad he did show up and we are happily living our life.
We took an institute class this semester and something the teacher said struck me- "Don't wish away this time in your life. Enjoy the moments you are in now!" I am definitely not the poster child for not wishing away the time of your life that your in...I did my fair share when I was single and I've done my fair share as we been trying to add to our family. I appreciate Sister Terry and her example and the candid way that she shared her life with us. She has amazing example faith and endurance through her trials and sharing the knowledge that she has earned through her trials.
I have really been wondering what my purpose of me being single for so long and having fertility issues is. I have been told in blessings that my experiences will bless others. This past week I may have seen that come to life and was actually aware enough to recognize it. I met with one of my friends to give her some books that I read about four years ago that helped me overcome the struggles I was having after a break up and following singlehood...again I had experienced. As I was talking to her it dawned on me that I was able to help her through my previous trials. I was able to explain to her that I understood how frustrating it was to hear married people say "you'll find him, just be patient" or "It's worth the wait!" (which is soooo is!) or "You have to let him pursue like the hunt!" and many others. I can't tell you how many times I had friends or family say those very things to me who had been married since what seemed like forever and I wanted to punch them right in the mouth because THEY JUST DIDN'T GET IT! I now get it and I know all of those things are so true. It was nice to be in a position to give advice to a friend who had a hurting heart, who was having those same feelings that I remember so well from not that long ago. I know that sometimes you don't want someone to fix your problem but to listen and actually HEAR the feelings you have. I am so glad I was able to share my experience with her and let her know that she is loved and that there is a purpose in the experiences and trials she is experiencing and she will understand it someday and be grateful and it will likely make her that much more grateful for her spouse and won't take him for granted. I wish there was a guarantee that my friend would be able to get married and have a family, unfortunately life is not filled with guarantees and we are each here with different journeys that we don't always understand.
I know from this experience I am grateful for my life experiences thus far both past and present. I always remember to call my sweet husband after conversations like those I had with my friend last week and thank him for being such a great man, taking me out of single-dom and make him promise me that I will never have to go back to those feelings.

Until next time...