Decisions

As much as I don't want this to become about our infertility struggles I need to get some things off my chest tonight. First, I am grateful for my wonderful, supportive and strong (in mind and spirit) husband. He was gone last week in Idaho helping my brother and the crew with the fall cattle roundup. He came home on Saturday to a me in bed with a heating pad and unable to move with the exception of a couple of trips downstairs this is where I have been ever since. I even had to call into work today because of my body's reaction to the medications. However, this reaction is both a good and bad thing. While it has scared me and put me down in bed for a few days (I am crossing my fingers that is that case)- that is the bad part, the good part is that it is prepping my body the way it needs to...we hope!
Today has been a VERY emotional day. I have broken down several times as I tried to and was finally successful getting a hold of Dr. H's office to find out what to do next. I have been trying since last Friday and finally tonight was able to speak to the doctor on call since the nurses' haven't returned my repeated calls asking what to do next and I didn't think to just ask for Dr. H since the nurse practitioners in his office don't return calls like they assured me they would when I had "many questions about what to expect" (that is what we were told by the nurse practitioner when we were going over the fine details after our meeting with Dr. H).

Basically what I learned when talking to the doctor tonight is that my body didn't react the way the Dr. H apparently expected but this does happen to other women that have PCOS, so I don't necessarily need to be alarmed. The way it was described to me was this...polycystic ovaries release a lot of estrogen into your system. This is like putting fertilizer on a lawn but never mowing the lawn. Progesterone is essentially the lawn mower but apparently my body doesn't produce enough of that on it's own so that is the purpose of the provera. The thing that really scared me tonight when I was talking to the doctor on the phone was his recommendation to have biopsy of my uterus done because a lot of buildup can cause cancer...WOW! WHAT??!! (This is one of the reasons why I'm glad J.D. was home because I about had a panic attack and started crying when the Dr. was telling me all this and I just handed him the phone and told him to talk to the doctor while I tried to compose myself.)

I was diagnosed with PCOS in the '90s and have had similar reactions to progesterone in the past but this is the first time I have been told that a biopsy would be a good idea. The good news...he said if I was to get cancer this would be the one to get because it is easily treatable. The doc I talked to recommended that I call Dr. H in the morning to find out what he recommends that we do next. The doc we talked to tonight said we could continue with the medical d&c which is essentially what we are doing now taking provera OR do a surgical d&c...for those of you who don't know what that is- a d&c is a procedure that is usually done after a miscarriage but has been used for women with PCOS too for the same purpose of basically giving you a "clean" uterus. After looking at some information online tonight was are learning very heavily toward the idea of just continuing with the medication even though it may take a few more months because of the risks involved with a surgical procedure and the $$$.

We have some major decisions to make- many of which will come after we have a chance to talk to Dr. H tomorrow. I have to just say how blessed I am to have married such a good and supportive man. All of this obviously affects both of us but it is my body going through all the tests, etc. and J.D. is right here holding my hand and supporting me every step of the way. I am so grateful to be married to a man that lives worthy and honors the priesthood that he holds so he can give me a blessing at a moments notice. It is such an amazing feeling to not only feel the love of my wonderful husband but to have him be the mouthpiece for my Heavenly Father to give me comfort and peace in my heart and mind as we go through this trial.