It hit me this morning that I needed to get these feelings off my chest after I read my friend Tara's status of Facebook this morning that she and her husband are expecting baby #3 after five years of unsuccessful fertility treatments and adopting their adorable son two years ago. I am beyond thrilled for Tara and Mike and their pregnancy. I know this is something they have prayed so hard for and I can only think that they were supposed to have Tyson in their home or they wouldn't have had to go through the trial of infertility.
My friend, Holly has inspired me to share my story with all of you out there that read my blog too...I think there are a few anyway. Go to her blog (2friendz1goal.blogspot.com) to read her story and that of a friend of hers that are fighting the same battle that we are facing in our home. I so appreciate Holly because I sent her an email about a month ago asking her about her treatments. etc and she was so open and candid with me. I am so blessed to have so many friends and family that understand the battle and I think we can support each other through this.
So as the title reads I am sharing our struggle with fertility. J.D. and I decided almost immediately that we wanted to try to have kids after we got married. While we were engaged we talked about waiting for awhile but after a trip to my doctor we decided it probably wasn't a good idea to wait...just in case it took us awhile to get pregnant. My doctor's exact words were, " I wouldn't advise you to wait to conceive based on your health conditions and your age." Fantastic! Well as of today we have been married six months and that appointment with the doctor was 2 weeks after we were married.
For those that don't know- which would be most, if not all of those that read this- I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and Insulin Resistance. The two go hand in hand for most people and in this case I am most people. It's almost like one creates the other, which to be perfectly honest SUCKS! We have done 3 treatments of Clomid with no success. Basically, the Clomid is supposed to help me ovulate which I don't do because of PCOS. I faithfully take my temperature every morning and if by some chance I forget my sweet J.D. reminds me to take it. Honestly, I know what it is supposed to show but I fax it to the doctor and he takes a look at it and tells me if it looks like I ovulated or not. After 3 rounds of the medication I'm still not ovulating.
This past month he changed the prescription to Femara, which is what the reproductive endocrinologist that works from his office prescribes if Clomid doesn't work for people, which I am told Clomid usually works. I am also on a drug called Metformin for Insulin Resistance. It appears that for most people Metformin helps them drop weight...not for me. Actually that may not be entirely true- when I was living and working in Arizona I hadn't been taking metformin and when I started taking it I lost 30 pounds. I have lost another 10 pounds since we got married and started taking the medication again regularly like I'm supposed to and I'm now hovering at a weight I will not post on here. My doctor has told me he has all but maxed me out of the metformin medication and we have a few more options available before we need to get really concerned about not conceiving yet.
I know many that read this will be thinking that 5 or 6 months doesn't seem like that long of a time to try to have a child but because of my age it seems like it is forever. I know I'm not old in the big scheme of things, nor do I feel old but this is so frustrating to me. I am thrilled beyond words for friends, co-workers, cousins, etc that are pregnant or have had no issue getting pregnant. I know that many will say just quit worrying about it and it will happen...oh how I wish that was the case. For me, I'm actually pretty relaxed about the whole situation believe it or not. I keep telling myself that things will work out the way that we would want them to and to have faith and remember that Heavenly Father knows what He is doing.
As for what we are doing that is within our control that can help our chances. We have started working out in the mornings at the Pleasant Grove Rec Center. It's no surprise that I'm not a morning person and I'm not sure that I didn't snap at J.D. the first morning we went and worked out but once we got there and I started moving I felt great and had so much energy all day. I actually enjoy working out. I like the feeling of sore muscles because I know that I have done something good for me and my body that is causing it. I like challenging myself to push just a little harder to reach goals. I am so lucky to have such a supportive husband that is a morning person that keeps on me to get out of bed and go workout because that is going to help us in many ways. We laugh that the real trial of going to the gym is coming now because the cooler weather of fall and winter is about to set in. I think with each of us encouraging the other we can make it happen.
I won't lie and tell you that my heart doesn't ache just a little bit every time I see a baby or a pregnant woman. I know I'm a newlywed and and should be enjoying this time in our lives (which we are, please don't think we aren't) but it is my God given gift and responsibility to be a mother. I want nothing more than to hold a sweet baby in my arms and to be called mama. My sweet, J.D. comforts me when I get a little more than emotional about the whole subject and I couldn't ask for a better companion to go through this with. When I start doubting our chances of having children he assures me that everything will work out one way or another. I rest assured with that promise that one way or another we will have a child or children of our own to raise.
Please know I'm not sharing this because I want sympathy or anything like that. I wrote it to be brave because as Holly wrote in her blog...sharing with others from your own experience can help someone else. Also, since you know of our experience and you have gone through something similar please share it with me...there is strength in numbers, right?
Until next time...
Monday, September 28, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
50 Life Lessons
I'm a blog stalker...I have admitted it before and I'm admitting it again. While participating is such activities tonight I came across this on Cama Cathrae's photography blog. I love the lessons that it teaches in really, very few words. The complete list is below.
As for those looking for an update to our blog about what's happening in our PG world...life is great! JD is busy with work and is looking into grad programs so he can get his master's degree and fulfill his desire to work as a software engineer. I am so proud of him and how hard he has worked and continues to work to provide for our family. I am so lucky.
I just finished my 5th week of school at UVU and I'm still enjoying it but it's going by really fast. I always feel like I'm behind but I'm fairly happy with how I'm doing. I can work harder but I'm learning and each week gets better. I'm still trying to decide where to apply to nursing school when the time comes but I have a little bit of time before I'm going to need to worry about that.
We took a trip to Yellowstone Park a few weeks ago and if I had the time to make a slide show I would share some pictures from our trip. It was JD's first time to Yellowstone Park and he enjoyed it- as did I. It was nice to get out of town, just the two of us, and enjoy a little mini vacation together. We had a few laughs especially about our accomodations in Island Park and enjoyed a fun night at Mack's Inn Playhouse...even more laughs there.
We just got a membership to the PG Rec Center so we can work out together. I am so proud of JD. He has lost 50 lbs in the last year. He didn't seem to believe me when I would tell him he was shrinking but when we needed to get him new dress pants and had to get pants that were 4 inches smaller he FINALLY believed me. Way to go sweetheart, I'm so proud of you!
50 LIFE LESSONS written by Regina Brett, when she turned 50.
1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.
Until next time...
As for those looking for an update to our blog about what's happening in our PG world...life is great! JD is busy with work and is looking into grad programs so he can get his master's degree and fulfill his desire to work as a software engineer. I am so proud of him and how hard he has worked and continues to work to provide for our family. I am so lucky.
I just finished my 5th week of school at UVU and I'm still enjoying it but it's going by really fast. I always feel like I'm behind but I'm fairly happy with how I'm doing. I can work harder but I'm learning and each week gets better. I'm still trying to decide where to apply to nursing school when the time comes but I have a little bit of time before I'm going to need to worry about that.
We took a trip to Yellowstone Park a few weeks ago and if I had the time to make a slide show I would share some pictures from our trip. It was JD's first time to Yellowstone Park and he enjoyed it- as did I. It was nice to get out of town, just the two of us, and enjoy a little mini vacation together. We had a few laughs especially about our accomodations in Island Park and enjoyed a fun night at Mack's Inn Playhouse...even more laughs there.
We just got a membership to the PG Rec Center so we can work out together. I am so proud of JD. He has lost 50 lbs in the last year. He didn't seem to believe me when I would tell him he was shrinking but when we needed to get him new dress pants and had to get pants that were 4 inches smaller he FINALLY believed me. Way to go sweetheart, I'm so proud of you!
50 LIFE LESSONS written by Regina Brett, when she turned 50.
1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.
Until next time...
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Our Labor Day weekend Adventures...
Last weekend we decided to get out of town and enjoy the long weekend and went to Yellowstone. We had so much fun. We were amazed how refreshing it was to just be away from everything and spend time together. It was the first time J.D. had been to Yellowstone Park and I don't think I had been in 3-4 years. We stayed at Sawtelle Resort in Island Park on Saturday and Sunday night and drove home Monday.
We planned on leaving on Saturday morning at 6 am so we could get up to Rexburg in decent time so we could go to a session at the Rexburg temple. Well I like to sleep and I'm especially not a morning person so we actually got on the road at 7:20. We were so good and packed food in the cooler to help save money on the trip and so we wouldn't have to buy anything on Sunday while we were in the Park. We got just past the point of the mountain between Utah and Salt Lake Counties and I asked J.D. if he remembered all of his church clothes so we could change when we go to Rexburg. Nope he forgot them but had remembered to pack his shoes and we both had our temple bags. He suggested we just turn around and go get them but we were already 20 minutes down the road and I really don't like to backtrack. (I think it may secretly drive J.D. crazy but he puts up with it.) So we decided when we go to Idaho Falls we would just go to the mall and pick up a new pair of dress pants, shirt and tie.
While at the mall I was able to get a few new shirts using a gift card that was left from our wedding too. I've been wanting to get some new shirts but didn't want to spend the money so it was a nice treat. Anyway, we decided to go to the distribution center in Rexburg to get a shirt for him. He likes the way they fit and let's be honest they are less expensive than the mall for a nice white dress shirt. We drove to Beaver Dick Park in Rexburg to change...we found a secluded little drive at the back of the park so we could change and not have to go into the stinky bathrooms, which I told JD I wouldn't use since I could easily change in the car. Once we got to the park we realized that we had forgot to get the shirt too. So after we changed, J.D. only partially obviously we made a quick trip to the distribution center and got the shirt. We didn't think about it with all of a masterful planning that the shirt was coming out of a package that had been folded for quite some time and it would be wrinkled. UGH...seriously I was beyond frustrated with all of this by now. So I called google information and found the only dry cleaner in Rexburg but they weren't answering the phone. I couldn't imagine them being closed on a Saturday so we drove to where they are and they were closed BUT there was a laudromat next door so we threw the shirt in the dryer with a moist cloth and viola! perfect (enough) white shirt!
We drove up to the temple thinking we were going to miss the 2pm session and J.D. was sure he read the sessions were only every hour so we were racing to get in and get ready. Luckily when we got there we found out they start every 15 minutes. Heavenly Father blessed us for sure! I am so grateful for a good husband that is so diligent about temple attendance. We haven't missed a week since he recieved his endowments.
After the temple we made our way to Island Park where we were staying the weekend at Sawtelle Resort. We checked into the hotel and were a little more than surprised by the absolutely accurate description I had been given of our "economy" room. When booking the rooms they had standard rooms available and economy rooms available. I asked what the economy room included and I was told: a bed, microwave, TV, bathroom with shower. They weren't kidding. When we walked into the room we both started laughing. We said we needed to take a picture but completely forgot. We just wanted to check- in before going to Mack's Inn Playhouse to see 'Less Miserables' (obviously a play on the name of Les Miserable". It was absolutely fantastic. If I can get pictures uploaded you will see the woMAN that stole the show....HEEEYYYLOOOOO!
We planned on leaving on Saturday morning at 6 am so we could get up to Rexburg in decent time so we could go to a session at the Rexburg temple. Well I like to sleep and I'm especially not a morning person so we actually got on the road at 7:20. We were so good and packed food in the cooler to help save money on the trip and so we wouldn't have to buy anything on Sunday while we were in the Park. We got just past the point of the mountain between Utah and Salt Lake Counties and I asked J.D. if he remembered all of his church clothes so we could change when we go to Rexburg. Nope he forgot them but had remembered to pack his shoes and we both had our temple bags. He suggested we just turn around and go get them but we were already 20 minutes down the road and I really don't like to backtrack. (I think it may secretly drive J.D. crazy but he puts up with it.) So we decided when we go to Idaho Falls we would just go to the mall and pick up a new pair of dress pants, shirt and tie.
While at the mall I was able to get a few new shirts using a gift card that was left from our wedding too. I've been wanting to get some new shirts but didn't want to spend the money so it was a nice treat. Anyway, we decided to go to the distribution center in Rexburg to get a shirt for him. He likes the way they fit and let's be honest they are less expensive than the mall for a nice white dress shirt. We drove to Beaver Dick Park in Rexburg to change...we found a secluded little drive at the back of the park so we could change and not have to go into the stinky bathrooms, which I told JD I wouldn't use since I could easily change in the car. Once we got to the park we realized that we had forgot to get the shirt too. So after we changed, J.D. only partially obviously we made a quick trip to the distribution center and got the shirt. We didn't think about it with all of a masterful planning that the shirt was coming out of a package that had been folded for quite some time and it would be wrinkled. UGH...seriously I was beyond frustrated with all of this by now. So I called google information and found the only dry cleaner in Rexburg but they weren't answering the phone. I couldn't imagine them being closed on a Saturday so we drove to where they are and they were closed BUT there was a laudromat next door so we threw the shirt in the dryer with a moist cloth and viola! perfect (enough) white shirt!
We drove up to the temple thinking we were going to miss the 2pm session and J.D. was sure he read the sessions were only every hour so we were racing to get in and get ready. Luckily when we got there we found out they start every 15 minutes. Heavenly Father blessed us for sure! I am so grateful for a good husband that is so diligent about temple attendance. We haven't missed a week since he recieved his endowments.
After the temple we made our way to Island Park where we were staying the weekend at Sawtelle Resort. We checked into the hotel and were a little more than surprised by the absolutely accurate description I had been given of our "economy" room. When booking the rooms they had standard rooms available and economy rooms available. I asked what the economy room included and I was told: a bed, microwave, TV, bathroom with shower. They weren't kidding. When we walked into the room we both started laughing. We said we needed to take a picture but completely forgot. We just wanted to check- in before going to Mack's Inn Playhouse to see 'Less Miserables' (obviously a play on the name of Les Miserable". It was absolutely fantastic. If I can get pictures uploaded you will see the woMAN that stole the show....HEEEYYYLOOOOO!
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