JD and I have been married for 18 months now. I have shared before that we decided before we were married that we weren't going to postpone having children because we were both over 30 and we both want kids so why wait. Well here we are 18 months later and still no baby. I am so grateful that the idea of getting pregnant and starting our family hasn't taken over my/our life. It would be a lie to say that I haven't shed more than a few tears in the last 18 months but overall I have been patient- which is not a virtue that I normally have- in this "trial".
I haven't quite figured out if my trials are just not that difficult to bear because I am so weak or if I have just been blessed to find the blessing in my trials. I like to think that I am just able to find those "hidden" blessings. For instance, while it is has been a struggle for us to become pregnant and we are obviously going to need help to make it happen, I can't express enough gratitude for the time that JD and I have had to just be married and enjoy each other and figure out what things are important to us and how we want to raise a family.
It has also been an interesting experience that I have come in contact with several women that are having the same struggles. It somehow makes it easier because I know we aren't the only ones struggling especially when you see people around you that are able to get pregnant with no issues (or so it seems from the outside looking in) and complain the whole time about how inconvenient it is to have kids or be pregnant or both. I have had to bite my tongue several times and just smile through the internal turmoil several times but it is short lived...usually.
Anyway, one woman I met when I was working at Massage Envy. I always let my clients determine if they talked during their massage. After all they are paying for that time so they should be allowed that at the very least, right? Fortunately this one client in particular decided to talk, which led to me asking questions...and the flood gates opened, for which I am so grateful. She told me about her experience with infertility and how she and her husband had tried for 8 years to have a baby and had just had their little boy 3 months before I met her. She told me of different doctors that she had gone to in those years and the funny things she and her husband had started saying to people when questioned about starting a family. My favorite was them telling a friend of her mother's that they decided not to have kids but get a boat instead because that would be more fun. We both had a good laugh about that. Sometimes it is just easier to laugh about it all.
Well that is where it began. She told me about Dr. H. She said that she had done 5 IUI treatments with another doctor and after going to Dr. H and only one treatment she was pregnant. Maybe it was just her time to be blessed with a wee one but she said that he and his staff were just different. She said you could tell that they had compassion and were knowledgeable.
Soooo... on October 4 we are going to meet Dr. H for our first consult. I'm excited and I'm nervous. I'm excited for the possibility of getting some answers and moving forward and (fingers crossed) adding a wee babe to our home. I am nervous because of the what ifs. What if... we really can't have children for some reason. What if...we can have children and through these procedures we end up with a multiples-greater than two or three! ( I guess then it would be count your blessings name them one by...more than one??...lol What if...I'm not a good mom, what if we really aren't ready for parenthood like we think we are, what if, what if, what if.
Until next time...
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