My sister told me last week to go with what my gut was telling me with this pregnancy. I am so glad she gave me that simple advice. I went in for another blood test this morning. I knew in my gut last night it was going to be the last on for this pregnancy. I was trying to be hopeful but I was also listening to my inner voice and it was telling me that it was over. I got a call this afternoon at 5 pm while visiting my sister and her family that I have had a miscarriage. As strange as it may sound it was a relief to hear the news to I could quit worrying about everything and pick up and get ready for the next step. I never imagined in my wildest dream that would be my feeling. I have said for the past six months to J.D. that I didn't want to have to deal with infertility and then get pregnant and have a miscarriage. It is not to say that I am not sad or disappointed that I wasn't able to sustain this pregnancy but I have a strong belief that there was a good reason for all of this.
This pregnancy, though short lived, gave us hope. A huge hurdle/unknown for us was simply our ability to get pregnant. When the NP called me with the news that my hCG level had fallen today she told me that they were pleased that I was able to get pregnant this first round (with them) and it should give us hope. (The bratty part of me wants to call Dr. H's office and tell them that they were wrong. We were able to get pregnant with an IUI and that obviously IVF isn't our only option like they told us after our first IUI in February. I will refrain from doing so of course and simply feel good knowing that my gut was right and they were wrong.)
This has made me feel even more that I need to take better care of myself. I don't know that I didn't anything "wrong" to hurt my body or it's ability to care a baby but I feel like I need to take care of myself- not just physically but mentally and spiritually. I am not taking summer classes and it will give me a chance to take care of myself and get my body, mind and spirit in better shape.
I was able to spend a good portion of the day at my sister's home today. She and Ryan were able to bring home little T yesterday from the NICU. I couldn't wait until Saturday at R's party to see him so I drove up and got to love on those two cuties today...what a blessing those two boys are in my life. They seriously have kept me out of the depths of depression in the past few weeks. Something that Tiff said to me today made me feel better about everything I have been feeling and feeling guilty for feeling. I told her that I realized that this was only our second IUI and we were able to get pregnant and there are people that have gone through this struggle for 10 years with no success. She said it is ok to think about those people but this is my story and this is what we are going through and it's ok to just focus on that and not worry about what everyone else has had to experience. I was so grateful for those words...what a wise woman my little sister is!! Thank you Tiff! Thank you for being there to hug me today when I got the news from the doctor, thank you for letting me get my mind off of everything today and for the past few weeks and love on your sweet boys. Thank you for showing me how to be a good momma- you are wonderful and those little guys are so lucky to have you as their mother.
I anticipate that at the very least the next week is going to be rough but the plan is to have another blood draw in a week to make sure my hCG levels have gone back down to zero. We will then regroup for as long as Dr. F advises and plan on our next IUI and pray for another miracle.
Until next time...
Showing posts with label Fertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fertility. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Roller Coaster
Last Tuesday I went in for a blood test to find out if our second IUI was successful. The blood draw was at 8:15 in the morning but I didn't get a call until nearly 5. It was an agonizing day to say the least. I'm almost glad that there was a delay in getting the call because J.D. was home when I did get the call. The test was positive...good news, right!? Unfortunately there was a but attached to that positive blood test and that was that the levels were lower than they would like to see so I needed to come back in two days and have other blood test.
Thursday I went in again at 8:15 for the blood draw and this time the hCG numbers they are monitoring did double like they wanted them to but they wanted me to come back on Monday (today) for another test.
I just got the call that the levels didn't at least double so I need to go back on Wednesday for another blood draw.
So this is what the levels look like:
Test 1- 9
Test 2- 20
Test 3- 33.2
The reality is that we could have an ectopic pregnancy which is causing the levels to rise slower than normal or I could have been pregnancy with twins and lost one and my body is recovering so it is rising slower (that is what the MA suggested may be the problem today). I just read a statistic online that stated that 85% of pregnancies have hCG levels that rise like they are expected to (which mine aren't) and 15% don't (which is exactly what my levels are doing) but that doesn't mean it isn't a viable pregnancy because they are raising slower but obviously the odds are not in our favor. Besides the hCG levels not rising appropriately I haven't had any other symptoms that are listed for ectopic pregnancies which I am grateful for but I really wish we knew what was going on and why. I asked the MA today that called with the results if there is every a viable pregnancy with numbers that are this low and she said it isn't likely but it can still happen. I am hoping beyond hope that my body and this baby can prove her wrong and everything will be ok.
I have been having some pregnancy symptoms so I am trying to be positive and hopeful. J.D. said he feels like everything is going to be ok. I am relying on his faith that everything will be ok because if I don't I fall apart and all I can do is cry. I appreciate all of the prayers and support. While this isn't easy I know it would be much harder without your prayers and support. I know I need to be grateful that at the very least we were able to get pregnant- that was a huge hurdle for us- and maybe I still am and everything will be ok. I know there are people that try for many more years than we have tried to have a baby but to be honest I don't care about that right now I only know how I feel and this roller coaster ride sucks. I don't like it and I just keep asking why not even one part of all of this can be easy.
My last request is if you read this and have contact with other people we may know please don't share what is going on. I believe it is our right to share information of this sort with people we want to share it with- one of the many reasons we have a private blog. Thank you again for your continued prayers on our behalf and for honoring this request.
Until next time...
Thursday I went in again at 8:15 for the blood draw and this time the hCG numbers they are monitoring did double like they wanted them to but they wanted me to come back on Monday (today) for another test.
I just got the call that the levels didn't at least double so I need to go back on Wednesday for another blood draw.
So this is what the levels look like:
Test 1- 9
Test 2- 20
Test 3- 33.2
The reality is that we could have an ectopic pregnancy which is causing the levels to rise slower than normal or I could have been pregnancy with twins and lost one and my body is recovering so it is rising slower (that is what the MA suggested may be the problem today). I just read a statistic online that stated that 85% of pregnancies have hCG levels that rise like they are expected to (which mine aren't) and 15% don't (which is exactly what my levels are doing) but that doesn't mean it isn't a viable pregnancy because they are raising slower but obviously the odds are not in our favor. Besides the hCG levels not rising appropriately I haven't had any other symptoms that are listed for ectopic pregnancies which I am grateful for but I really wish we knew what was going on and why. I asked the MA today that called with the results if there is every a viable pregnancy with numbers that are this low and she said it isn't likely but it can still happen. I am hoping beyond hope that my body and this baby can prove her wrong and everything will be ok.
I have been having some pregnancy symptoms so I am trying to be positive and hopeful. J.D. said he feels like everything is going to be ok. I am relying on his faith that everything will be ok because if I don't I fall apart and all I can do is cry. I appreciate all of the prayers and support. While this isn't easy I know it would be much harder without your prayers and support. I know I need to be grateful that at the very least we were able to get pregnant- that was a huge hurdle for us- and maybe I still am and everything will be ok. I know there are people that try for many more years than we have tried to have a baby but to be honest I don't care about that right now I only know how I feel and this roller coaster ride sucks. I don't like it and I just keep asking why not even one part of all of this can be easy.
My last request is if you read this and have contact with other people we may know please don't share what is going on. I believe it is our right to share information of this sort with people we want to share it with- one of the many reasons we have a private blog. Thank you again for your continued prayers on our behalf and for honoring this request.
Until next time...
Thursday, February 3, 2011
The Waiting Game
Fair warning there may be information in this post that is to graphic for some. Consider yourself warned...
Yesterday was our IUI. It was much more simple than I anticipated- even with all the online research I have done and questions we have asked. I started the morning by taking a pregnancy AND ovulation test. Seems silly to take a pregnancy test but we had to make sure the HCG trigger shot from the before worked and that is how you test it. The ovulation test said we were at peak ovulation so basically- primed and ready to go! I was so excited to see that both test results were what they were supposed to be. I was a little worried me may need to cancel the IUI because JD had been sick with what we think was the flu but he was a trooper and said we needed to just move forward. We just hoped that him being sick didn't affect the results of his test later in the day.
JD had to go in to Dr. H's office two hours before my appointment to make his contribution. Besides being normal protocol for an IUI we were having a Kruger test done. This is to make sure that we don't have male fertility issues as well. Poor J.D. has been so stressed about what the results would be. Everything looked great! It was a relief to hear the news but even better was to see the relief on J.D.'s face. I asked him later why he was so worried about it and he said because he didn't want to be the reason I couldn't be a mom. I am so blessed- this man is always worried about me and what I want/need.
When we arrived for my appointment we were taken right back to the exam room and asked to read and sign a consent form- basically stating that there was no guarantee of pregnancy and the possibility and percentage of multiples that come from IUI and a bunch of other legal mumbo jumbo.
As we were sitting in the room waiting for the nurse to come in I made a comment in passing that I would just get up and leave if "K" the nurse practitioner that we don't care for came in the door instead of the nurse manager "H", who was supposed to do our insemination. Wouldn't you know that not a minute later a knock came on the door and "K" walked in. I couldn't believe my eyes for about 5 seconds then spoke up and said we want "H" to do the insemination. For anyone that knows me you know that I don't typically have issues with speaking my mind but in a doctor's office it seems that I become much more reserved--except in this case. She made a point of asking if there was a problem with her and I repeated several times we just wanted "H" and that was it. She left and got "H". I felt like such a baby but I started crying the second she closed door behind her. I know I am just very sensitive about working with especially since specifically requesting that she not be part of a care team anymore and have her walk in the room. "H" came in within a few minutes and all was well in our little world again. She just has a very calming personality- which is helpful for me. She gets that infertility struggle because she has been there and in my opinion she is just a great nurse. She went over the results of the Kruger test and then we reviewed exactly what we had done this cycle with medications and injections- just to make sure we were all on the same page. She then showed us the specimen, double checked the information and told us we were the only ones doing an IUI that day anyway so we knew it was ours and proceeded to do the insemination. It took about 10 minutes and was pretty simple and only slightly uncomfortable with a little bit of pressure.
Now the waiting game. We don't take a pregnancy test for two weeks, 14 days and right now that seems like an eternity. I'm glad I have school and work to keep me busy and my mind off it. I did read on our paperwork yesterday that taking a test within 11 days of the insemination may show a false positive because of the HCG trigger that we did the day before. So in 14 days I will be doing another pregnancy test and hopefully we will have a positive result. If so, we will head into Dr. H's office for a blood test to confirm the positive.
We are truly blessed and have felt the comfort and peace from each of you from your prayers, thoughts and kind words on our behalf. We are hopeful that this will be the only IUI we need to do but continue to be realistic that it may not be. There is a 20-30% chance of getting pregnant with an IUI with injections. Here's to hoping we are in that percentage. If not, we know that God knows better than we do what our situation is and what the solutions are for us.
Yesterday was our IUI. It was much more simple than I anticipated- even with all the online research I have done and questions we have asked. I started the morning by taking a pregnancy AND ovulation test. Seems silly to take a pregnancy test but we had to make sure the HCG trigger shot from the before worked and that is how you test it. The ovulation test said we were at peak ovulation so basically- primed and ready to go! I was so excited to see that both test results were what they were supposed to be. I was a little worried me may need to cancel the IUI because JD had been sick with what we think was the flu but he was a trooper and said we needed to just move forward. We just hoped that him being sick didn't affect the results of his test later in the day.
JD had to go in to Dr. H's office two hours before my appointment to make his contribution. Besides being normal protocol for an IUI we were having a Kruger test done. This is to make sure that we don't have male fertility issues as well. Poor J.D. has been so stressed about what the results would be. Everything looked great! It was a relief to hear the news but even better was to see the relief on J.D.'s face. I asked him later why he was so worried about it and he said because he didn't want to be the reason I couldn't be a mom. I am so blessed- this man is always worried about me and what I want/need.
When we arrived for my appointment we were taken right back to the exam room and asked to read and sign a consent form- basically stating that there was no guarantee of pregnancy and the possibility and percentage of multiples that come from IUI and a bunch of other legal mumbo jumbo.
As we were sitting in the room waiting for the nurse to come in I made a comment in passing that I would just get up and leave if "K" the nurse practitioner that we don't care for came in the door instead of the nurse manager "H", who was supposed to do our insemination. Wouldn't you know that not a minute later a knock came on the door and "K" walked in. I couldn't believe my eyes for about 5 seconds then spoke up and said we want "H" to do the insemination. For anyone that knows me you know that I don't typically have issues with speaking my mind but in a doctor's office it seems that I become much more reserved--except in this case. She made a point of asking if there was a problem with her and I repeated several times we just wanted "H" and that was it. She left and got "H". I felt like such a baby but I started crying the second she closed door behind her. I know I am just very sensitive about working with especially since specifically requesting that she not be part of a care team anymore and have her walk in the room. "H" came in within a few minutes and all was well in our little world again. She just has a very calming personality- which is helpful for me. She gets that infertility struggle because she has been there and in my opinion she is just a great nurse. She went over the results of the Kruger test and then we reviewed exactly what we had done this cycle with medications and injections- just to make sure we were all on the same page. She then showed us the specimen, double checked the information and told us we were the only ones doing an IUI that day anyway so we knew it was ours and proceeded to do the insemination. It took about 10 minutes and was pretty simple and only slightly uncomfortable with a little bit of pressure.
Now the waiting game. We don't take a pregnancy test for two weeks, 14 days and right now that seems like an eternity. I'm glad I have school and work to keep me busy and my mind off it. I did read on our paperwork yesterday that taking a test within 11 days of the insemination may show a false positive because of the HCG trigger that we did the day before. So in 14 days I will be doing another pregnancy test and hopefully we will have a positive result. If so, we will head into Dr. H's office for a blood test to confirm the positive.
We are truly blessed and have felt the comfort and peace from each of you from your prayers, thoughts and kind words on our behalf. We are hopeful that this will be the only IUI we need to do but continue to be realistic that it may not be. There is a 20-30% chance of getting pregnant with an IUI with injections. Here's to hoping we are in that percentage. If not, we know that God knows better than we do what our situation is and what the solutions are for us.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
A Simple Phone call
I have been struggling with the nurse practitioner at Dr. H's office that I have been assigned to. I don't know if she is new at her job or just a complete bobble head but she has missed the mark with every appointment. From not returning urgent calls when I was having a strange reaction to medication to not giving me correct dosing information during our next cycle that we are about to start. During a couple of appointments I had to tell her the same information several times. I started wondering if this was all my imagination until I talked to J.D. about it and he confirmed that he was surprised how many times she asked me the same questions during the appointments he has gone to with me. I finally hit my breaking point today after I got an email response from her asking for clarification on injection amounts for this cycle. The information she had given me over the phone was different by a significant amount than what her email stated. When I asked for clarification her response was "I'm glad we could accommodate your desire to do injections this cycle but all of the confusion would have been avoided if you would have had a consult with the doctor."
I had never up to this point been told I needed to have a special injection consult with the doctor. I am more than happy to jump through the hoops for this but this is new information to me. Anyway, I was shocked by her response and quite frankly was ready to throw my hands in the air and just find a new doctor.
My wonderful husband told me that he thought it best to just call them and explain what was going on request that we work with a different nurse practitioner or at least not have to work with this one. Well I made the call and talked to the receptionist first who is always very helpful. She connected me with the nurse manager, Heather. This wonderful nurse/woman put me at ease. She told me a consult wasn't necessary and apologized that our experience had been so rough up to this point. She was so kind to go over everything with me again to make sure that I understood what I needed and even sent me an email with her direct contact information so if I have any other questions or concerns after this. I can't express adequately what a weight was lifted off my shoulders after talking to her. That simple phone call solved in 10 minutes something that has been bothering me for 3 months.
I am so grateful for a wise husband and his counsel and the understanding of a nurse that really gets it. Amazing what a simple phone call can do!
I had never up to this point been told I needed to have a special injection consult with the doctor. I am more than happy to jump through the hoops for this but this is new information to me. Anyway, I was shocked by her response and quite frankly was ready to throw my hands in the air and just find a new doctor.
My wonderful husband told me that he thought it best to just call them and explain what was going on request that we work with a different nurse practitioner or at least not have to work with this one. Well I made the call and talked to the receptionist first who is always very helpful. She connected me with the nurse manager, Heather. This wonderful nurse/woman put me at ease. She told me a consult wasn't necessary and apologized that our experience had been so rough up to this point. She was so kind to go over everything with me again to make sure that I understood what I needed and even sent me an email with her direct contact information so if I have any other questions or concerns after this. I can't express adequately what a weight was lifted off my shoulders after talking to her. That simple phone call solved in 10 minutes something that has been bothering me for 3 months.
I am so grateful for a wise husband and his counsel and the understanding of a nurse that really gets it. Amazing what a simple phone call can do!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
The Amazing Dr. H
Yesterday was our first appointment with the amazing Dr. H. To say we were impressed with him would be an understatement. As we were going over our medical histories and more specifically my previous medical records from other doctors I have seen in the last 5 years or so he was inquiring about medications that I had taken. One of these records was from when I lived in Arizona and the medication he asked me about I couldn't remember why I had taken it. He wasn't certain what it was- well he said he thought he knew but was surprised that it would be prescribed to me- so he looked it up. I know that probably seems like such a little thing but the answer to that one question led to him asking more questions that led to some more answers and additional blood work being done yesterday.
Dr. H was so honest but caring in his approach. He doesn't fill you with false hope but he is confident in his knowledge and abilities to help us conceive. I showed him a basal temperature chart that I had kept from another doctor I visited shortly after J.D. and I got married. Needless to say my body just doesn't function properly which means this chart is basically useless. When I showed it to Dr. H, I told him that is one of the reasons I threw my hands in the air and said to myself "I guess I just won't ever get pregnant because they can't seem to help me." His response put my heart at ease..."well they just didn't have the right tools or training." We spend nearly 2 hours with Dr. H, asking questions and getting general information about my condition and what we do next.
So yesterday I was like a vampire's victim but I survived. I think I counted right- they took 6 viles of blood. They also did a fasting glucose test so I had to drink this AWFUL thick, sweet, lemon-limey flavored stuff that the phlebotomist called "Glu-cola" which cracked me up because no "cola" I have ever tasted even the non-diet stuff tastes like this stuff. Two hours after our appointment I had to go back and have another vile of blood drawn...that's right folks...7 viles total in one day- I don't know how much that really is all together but when you see all of them sitting next to you and you know it is YOUR blood, it looks like A LOT!
So the next part of all this...I am taking medication now to help me ovulate like I need to (if that is too much for you readers to know, too bad, this blog is for me more than you and I want to look back someday and remember what happened to get my children here...fingers crossed.)
Anyway, I just got off the phone with the Dr. H's office and apparently I have hypothyroidism which means my thyroid isn't functioning properly which in turn can cause my body to not ovulate like it is supposed to. I am very hopeful this will be the missing piece in our infertility puzzle. I will be back to see Dr. H and/or his staff in the next month for some more tests to make sure that the medication is having the right effect and JD will have some testing done too before the end of the month.
It was so comforting to have J.D. with me yesterday. When we walked out of Dr. H's office he said "This just feels right!" It certainly does feel right- although honestly when I really start to think that this really could lead to us becoming parents I get a little bit overwhelmed and wonder if I am really ready for that and wonder if I am going to be a good enough mom. We will cross that bridge when we come to it.
This experience reminds me so much of talks from General Conference this past weekend. I recall several talks that we were counseled to act and not be acted upon. That is what I am choosing to do right now...be active in what is going on with my life and body.
Until next time...
Dr. H was so honest but caring in his approach. He doesn't fill you with false hope but he is confident in his knowledge and abilities to help us conceive. I showed him a basal temperature chart that I had kept from another doctor I visited shortly after J.D. and I got married. Needless to say my body just doesn't function properly which means this chart is basically useless. When I showed it to Dr. H, I told him that is one of the reasons I threw my hands in the air and said to myself "I guess I just won't ever get pregnant because they can't seem to help me." His response put my heart at ease..."well they just didn't have the right tools or training." We spend nearly 2 hours with Dr. H, asking questions and getting general information about my condition and what we do next.
So yesterday I was like a vampire's victim but I survived. I think I counted right- they took 6 viles of blood. They also did a fasting glucose test so I had to drink this AWFUL thick, sweet, lemon-limey flavored stuff that the phlebotomist called "Glu-cola" which cracked me up because no "cola" I have ever tasted even the non-diet stuff tastes like this stuff. Two hours after our appointment I had to go back and have another vile of blood drawn...that's right folks...7 viles total in one day- I don't know how much that really is all together but when you see all of them sitting next to you and you know it is YOUR blood, it looks like A LOT!
So the next part of all this...I am taking medication now to help me ovulate like I need to (if that is too much for you readers to know, too bad, this blog is for me more than you and I want to look back someday and remember what happened to get my children here...fingers crossed.)
Anyway, I just got off the phone with the Dr. H's office and apparently I have hypothyroidism which means my thyroid isn't functioning properly which in turn can cause my body to not ovulate like it is supposed to. I am very hopeful this will be the missing piece in our infertility puzzle. I will be back to see Dr. H and/or his staff in the next month for some more tests to make sure that the medication is having the right effect and JD will have some testing done too before the end of the month.
It was so comforting to have J.D. with me yesterday. When we walked out of Dr. H's office he said "This just feels right!" It certainly does feel right- although honestly when I really start to think that this really could lead to us becoming parents I get a little bit overwhelmed and wonder if I am really ready for that and wonder if I am going to be a good enough mom. We will cross that bridge when we come to it.
This experience reminds me so much of talks from General Conference this past weekend. I recall several talks that we were counseled to act and not be acted upon. That is what I am choosing to do right now...be active in what is going on with my life and body.
Until next time...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)