I will not let infertility take over my (our) life. I don't want it to be the only thing we talk about or think about when we are together...or apart. I have decided that I want to enjoy our marriage and life beyond our desires to have a child. I yearn for a child to hold in my arms that I can call my own but if that day never comes or is postponed for a longer time than I think is fair, I will trust in a loving Heavenly Father that he knows what is best for our family. I will continue to pray for the opportunity to be a mother in this life and for guidance to help prepare our home when that day comes. I will find joy in this journey and not focus only on what we haven't been blessed with but with those things we have been blessed with.
I was also talking to a friend tonight and she was telling me a story about a family where the father had lost his job. The family had done fasts and prayed continually that he would be able to find a job but this family wasn't paying tithing. They were referred to Doctrine & Covenants 130: 20-21 about following the laws of God to receive his blessings. WOW! It occurred to me when I read these verses that I need to be doing everything I can to obey the laws of God so he can bless me. He loves me more than I can comprehend and His desire is only to bless me with all that I righteously desire but I MUST obey his laws. Thank you friend for this reminder as we talked tonight. Thank you for being the influence that you don't believe that you are. I am so grateful for friends that I can have these conversations with...that give me insight it may have taken me much longer to discover on my own.
I have been reading the past few days the blog of a girl that is my sister's age that is pregnant right now. She is on bed rest because there have been some complications with her pregnancy and they aren't even sure that this baby will make it even with bed rest. I have wept, as I have read her story. This girl has such amazing faith and an unbelievable attitude. She has started blogging each day about things she is grateful for...what a great lesson for me. I must remember to be grateful each day for all of those things that I have been blessed with. Today I am grateful for time. Time to prepare myself for whatever the future holds.
Until next time...
Monday, May 3, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Old Timer wisdom
My cousin Duane posted this on Facebook and it seems like good advice to me. I'm grateful to have grown up in a small farming community where I saw this kind of advice put to use everyday. It seems to me I would have heard my grandpa Sullivan saying some of these very things, if I would have just listed to him...enjoy and learn!
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
Meanness don't just happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life.. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none..
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around..
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.
Speak kindly. Leave the rest to Chance.
--
Don't pick a fight with an old man.. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
And,
When you quit laughing, you quit living.
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
Meanness don't just happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life.. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none..
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around..
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.
Speak kindly. Leave the rest to Chance.
--
Don't pick a fight with an old man.. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
And,
When you quit laughing, you quit living.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
What is the (my) purpose?
It isn't news to anyone that may read this blog that I was single until I was 31...almost 32. I would be lying if I said I didn't go through times during my years as a young single adult feeling like a failure as a woman, unwanted, unloveable, etc, etc,- the list of negatives could go on and on. I would also be lying if I said I don't have great memories from my years in single-dom. I made my best friends during my years in YSA wards. I had an opportunity to accept a promotion at work and successfully operate a satellite office for Modern Expo in Phoenix, AZ without having to worry about it uprooting a family and many, many other experiences that I won't bore you with now.
I never gave up on the idea that I would get married and have a family. I met J.D. after I had decided I was going to just live my life and if the man I was going to marry showed up in the mix then I would accept it and be happy about it but I was going to L-I-V-E. I am so glad he did show up and we are happily living our life.
We took an institute class this semester and something the teacher said struck me- "Don't wish away this time in your life. Enjoy the moments you are in now!" I am definitely not the poster child for not wishing away the time of your life that your in...I did my fair share when I was single and I've done my fair share as we been trying to add to our family. I appreciate Sister Terry and her example and the candid way that she shared her life with us. She has amazing example faith and endurance through her trials and sharing the knowledge that she has earned through her trials.
I have really been wondering what my purpose of me being single for so long and having fertility issues is. I have been told in blessings that my experiences will bless others. This past week I may have seen that come to life and was actually aware enough to recognize it. I met with one of my friends to give her some books that I read about four years ago that helped me overcome the struggles I was having after a break up and following singlehood...again I had experienced. As I was talking to her it dawned on me that I was able to help her through my previous trials. I was able to explain to her that I understood how frustrating it was to hear married people say "you'll find him, just be patient" or "It's worth the wait!" (which is soooo is!) or "You have to let him pursue you...men like the hunt!" and many others. I can't tell you how many times I had friends or family say those very things to me who had been married since what seemed like forever and I wanted to punch them right in the mouth because THEY JUST DIDN'T GET IT! I now get it and I know all of those things are so true. It was nice to be in a position to give advice to a friend who had a hurting heart, who was having those same feelings that I remember so well from not that long ago. I know that sometimes you don't want someone to fix your problem but to listen and actually HEAR the feelings you have. I am so glad I was able to share my experience with her and let her know that she is loved and that there is a purpose in the experiences and trials she is experiencing and she will understand it someday and be grateful and it will likely make her that much more grateful for her spouse and won't take him for granted. I wish there was a guarantee that my friend would be able to get married and have a family, unfortunately life is not filled with guarantees and we are each here with different journeys that we don't always understand.
I know from this experience I am grateful for my life experiences thus far both past and present. I always remember to call my sweet husband after conversations like those I had with my friend last week and thank him for being such a great man, taking me out of single-dom and make him promise me that I will never have to go back to those feelings.
Until next time...
I never gave up on the idea that I would get married and have a family. I met J.D. after I had decided I was going to just live my life and if the man I was going to marry showed up in the mix then I would accept it and be happy about it but I was going to L-I-V-E. I am so glad he did show up and we are happily living our life.
We took an institute class this semester and something the teacher said struck me- "Don't wish away this time in your life. Enjoy the moments you are in now!" I am definitely not the poster child for not wishing away the time of your life that your in...I did my fair share when I was single and I've done my fair share as we been trying to add to our family. I appreciate Sister Terry and her example and the candid way that she shared her life with us. She has amazing example faith and endurance through her trials and sharing the knowledge that she has earned through her trials.
I have really been wondering what my purpose of me being single for so long and having fertility issues is. I have been told in blessings that my experiences will bless others. This past week I may have seen that come to life and was actually aware enough to recognize it. I met with one of my friends to give her some books that I read about four years ago that helped me overcome the struggles I was having after a break up and following singlehood...again I had experienced. As I was talking to her it dawned on me that I was able to help her through my previous trials. I was able to explain to her that I understood how frustrating it was to hear married people say "you'll find him, just be patient" or "It's worth the wait!" (which is soooo is!) or "You have to let him pursue you...men like the hunt!" and many others. I can't tell you how many times I had friends or family say those very things to me who had been married since what seemed like forever and I wanted to punch them right in the mouth because THEY JUST DIDN'T GET IT! I now get it and I know all of those things are so true. It was nice to be in a position to give advice to a friend who had a hurting heart, who was having those same feelings that I remember so well from not that long ago. I know that sometimes you don't want someone to fix your problem but to listen and actually HEAR the feelings you have. I am so glad I was able to share my experience with her and let her know that she is loved and that there is a purpose in the experiences and trials she is experiencing and she will understand it someday and be grateful and it will likely make her that much more grateful for her spouse and won't take him for granted. I wish there was a guarantee that my friend would be able to get married and have a family, unfortunately life is not filled with guarantees and we are each here with different journeys that we don't always understand.
I know from this experience I am grateful for my life experiences thus far both past and present. I always remember to call my sweet husband after conversations like those I had with my friend last week and thank him for being such a great man, taking me out of single-dom and make him promise me that I will never have to go back to those feelings.
Until next time...
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I have an itch...
I really have this "itch" shall we say to create something, re-finish something and decorate my house. I'm inspired by a friend and co-worker, Michelle, (hi Michelle) and her creativity and do it yourself abilities. I feel like I'm pretty handy and I have a couple of ideas in mind. We have some end tables and a coffee table that are in dire need of a make-over. Imagine an orangy (is that a word?) stain on fake oak...YUCK is all I have to say. Granted the tables were free or at the very least really cheap when JD got them so as the saying goes, beggars can't be choosers BUT I want them to at least match the rest of our furniture.
We now have a backyard and small patio that I can take these projects on outside, so that is my goal this spring/summer to finish some furniture. I will post pictures as I work, even if they don't turn out exactly as I would like them too.
On an equally exciting note, at least to me, we are going to have a garden this year. There is a space in front of our new townhouse that is about 3' x 15' where I can plant a garden...I'm envisioning tomatoes, radishes, peppers, onions and maybe some lettuce...so excited. I'm telling you..you can take the girl off the farm but you can't take the farm out of the girl!
Oh yeah and as soon as I remember to take pictures of our new abode I will post them here. School is top priority right now so it may be a while before that happens.
Until next time...
We now have a backyard and small patio that I can take these projects on outside, so that is my goal this spring/summer to finish some furniture. I will post pictures as I work, even if they don't turn out exactly as I would like them too.
On an equally exciting note, at least to me, we are going to have a garden this year. There is a space in front of our new townhouse that is about 3' x 15' where I can plant a garden...I'm envisioning tomatoes, radishes, peppers, onions and maybe some lettuce...so excited. I'm telling you..you can take the girl off the farm but you can't take the farm out of the girl!
Oh yeah and as soon as I remember to take pictures of our new abode I will post them here. School is top priority right now so it may be a while before that happens.
Until next time...
Monday, January 25, 2010
We are still here...
Wow-it's been awhile. Life is crazy and busy and wonderful. We had a great Christmas in Idaho this year. This was our first Christmas married, so it was extra special. J.D. has a great memory and bought an ornament to commemorate our first Christmas together- what a lucky girl I am- he spoiled me with a lot of other gifts too- and went over on the budget we had set. I can't be too upset because I did the same thing. We had Christmas dinner at my dad's house this year and had some unexpected and really unwanted guests show up that day. No I'm not being mean- really I'm not it's kind of a sad situation. My brother had a semi-truck that was at my dad's burn to the ground on Christmas day. He was trying to heat the engine (diesel engines and cold weather don't mix) anyway, the truck started on fire and the unexpected guests were the fire departments from Mud Lake and Monteview. They were only unwanted because of the loss of the truck but we were so grateful they do such an outstanding job and take their volunteer work so seriously. It just reminded me why I'm so blessed to have grown up in such a great community. Needless to say Christmas 2009 is not one we will soon forget.
The new year has arrived and I wonder what happened to the past year- I'm not gonna lie 2009 was FANTASTIC and I know that 2010 is going to be even better. JD is doing so well at work and his boss is so pleased with the work he is doing. We are so blessed to have him in such a stable job that he loves. He is taking on more responsibility and is enjoying it. I'm so proud of him and how hard he works to take care of our little family.
We are planning on moving to a new apartment/townhome/condo/house whatever we find at the end of February. We want to save some money so we can buy a home within the next year and our current apartment complex won't lower our rent and there are some great places around that we have had our eye on. We're excited for the move and the new people we will have an opportunity to rub shoulders with. We aren't excited about the actual moving part but it is what it is.
I'm back in school this semester taking 16 credits at UVU and working part time still at Massage Envy. I took a CNA training class during the Christmas break and I'm waiting for a slot to open up so I can take the state tests and get my certificate and start work as a CNA so someone else can pay for me to get my degree. I am so excited that I'm going to be able to take some classes with my sister this summer and then be able to apply to the nursing program at Weber State together. I hope we both get in and can go through the program together- wouldn't that be awesome??!!
We are rounding the corner of a year since we were married- I can't believe it has been that long and in the same token it seems like it has been so much longer because I don't remember J.D. not being part of my life- anyway, we are so excited that we are going to be able to be sealed in the LDS temple. We haven't set an appointment yet but we have decided to be sealed in the Oquirh Mountain Temple on April 10, 2010. Needless to say we are really excited to have this date finally arrive. We have had the opportunity to do proxy sealings since JD received his endowments in August and we have become even more excited from "our turn" to arrive. I am so grateful for a good husband that is such a good example to me and helps me stay focused and on the path we need to be on. We are truly blessed and pray that many miracles will bless us and each of you in 2010.
Until next time...
Until next time...
The new year has arrived and I wonder what happened to the past year- I'm not gonna lie 2009 was FANTASTIC and I know that 2010 is going to be even better. JD is doing so well at work and his boss is so pleased with the work he is doing. We are so blessed to have him in such a stable job that he loves. He is taking on more responsibility and is enjoying it. I'm so proud of him and how hard he works to take care of our little family.
We are planning on moving to a new apartment/townhome/condo/house whatever we find at the end of February. We want to save some money so we can buy a home within the next year and our current apartment complex won't lower our rent and there are some great places around that we have had our eye on. We're excited for the move and the new people we will have an opportunity to rub shoulders with. We aren't excited about the actual moving part but it is what it is.
I'm back in school this semester taking 16 credits at UVU and working part time still at Massage Envy. I took a CNA training class during the Christmas break and I'm waiting for a slot to open up so I can take the state tests and get my certificate and start work as a CNA so someone else can pay for me to get my degree. I am so excited that I'm going to be able to take some classes with my sister this summer and then be able to apply to the nursing program at Weber State together. I hope we both get in and can go through the program together- wouldn't that be awesome??!!
We are rounding the corner of a year since we were married- I can't believe it has been that long and in the same token it seems like it has been so much longer because I don't remember J.D. not being part of my life- anyway, we are so excited that we are going to be able to be sealed in the LDS temple. We haven't set an appointment yet but we have decided to be sealed in the Oquirh Mountain Temple on April 10, 2010. Needless to say we are really excited to have this date finally arrive. We have had the opportunity to do proxy sealings since JD received his endowments in August and we have become even more excited from "our turn" to arrive. I am so grateful for a good husband that is such a good example to me and helps me stay focused and on the path we need to be on. We are truly blessed and pray that many miracles will bless us and each of you in 2010.
Until next time...
Until next time...
Monday, December 14, 2009
A Grateful Heart
I love this time of year. I love the sounds and the smells of Christmas time. I love it that everyone seems to have a more grateful heart and spirit during this Christmas season. I always loved Christmas as a child because it meant time with family...and new toys and stuff too, of course, I was a kid what can you expect. I've really missed over the last several years getting together with my extended family like we used to as kids and no it isn't the presents I miss. I miss the smells of my grandma's house and the yummy dinner we would have and of course all the treats that grandma would make. I miss the chatter of all the kids in the living room (even though there were only 6 grand kids we could make some racket) and the adults in the kitchen during the meals that we would eat. I don't remember when it all changed to be honest. Grandma and Grandpa Sullivan always had the family Christmas get together (we never called it a party) at the ranch. I kinda think we had the party for a few more years after grandpa died. I wonder if us grand kids just got too busy to make the time to go up to the ranch for the family get together. Did we decide it wasn't necessary anymore? I really just don't remember. As I think about this tradition that we used to have as a Sullivan family I can't help but be grateful for those memories.
Remembering grandma making her rum balls and us teasing her about drinking the rum that was supposed to be in the rum balls. I think she may have taken a sip or two but from what I understand the rum balls got the fair share of the rum. (It makes me giggle a little inside just to think about it.) The marshmallow topped yams that grandma made- yummo! Why is it that I can't seem to make mine taste just the same? Oh and let's not forget the heavenly rolls that grandma made- nope we never had store bought rolls at our family dinners they were ALWAYS grandmas rolls. My mom would make a zillion kinds of jello salad. I remember my cousins saying after my parents got divorced that they missed that at family dinners- how funny that something so simple can make such good memories. My memories don't all revolved around the food we ate but the fun we had and the things we did. The kids were always in the living room eating on TV trays and the adults surrounded the kitchen table. We always knew just how to make the TV trays work even with a moving rocking chair to sit in. It makes my heart so happy just to go back to that time in my mind and hear all of the chatter and joy.
Remembering grandma making her rum balls and us teasing her about drinking the rum that was supposed to be in the rum balls. I think she may have taken a sip or two but from what I understand the rum balls got the fair share of the rum. (It makes me giggle a little inside just to think about it.) The marshmallow topped yams that grandma made- yummo! Why is it that I can't seem to make mine taste just the same? Oh and let's not forget the heavenly rolls that grandma made- nope we never had store bought rolls at our family dinners they were ALWAYS grandmas rolls. My mom would make a zillion kinds of jello salad. I remember my cousins saying after my parents got divorced that they missed that at family dinners- how funny that something so simple can make such good memories. My memories don't all revolved around the food we ate but the fun we had and the things we did. The kids were always in the living room eating on TV trays and the adults surrounded the kitchen table. We always knew just how to make the TV trays work even with a moving rocking chair to sit in. It makes my heart so happy just to go back to that time in my mind and hear all of the chatter and joy.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Privacy please & Thanksgiving
I have been considering going private for a little while. I thought it was a little ridiculous for us to be private since we don't have an kids to protect, etc but I have a strong feeling that we need to protect the information we are sharing with everyone in this big wide world.
So by the end of next week we will be a private blog. Those that read about our adventures please let me know your email address so we can add you to the list of those able to read of our adventures and mis-adventures.
In the sense of security I have the message you post set up so I have to approve them so please go ahead and leave your email address and I won't publish the posts until after we have gone private.
Now that the housekeeping is out of the way...
We have so much to be thankful for this holiday. J.D. and I spend Thanksgiving 2009 in our apartment in Pleasant Grove. We both have to work the Friday after so we opted to not make the drive to either side of our family for the holiday.
We are so grateful to have each other. I am completely amazed each day how much more I learn to love and adore this wonderful man and just when I think he couldn't possibly love me more...there it is...MORE LOVE! I have said it so many times before but seriously he was soooo worth the wait.
We are so grateful for our families. The love and support that they have given us during this year has been so amazing. It really is all about family and I'm so grateful for ours. Our friends are not to be forgotten. We have met amazing people in the last year and feel so fortunate to have been able to rub shoulders with them and will hopefully be able to continuously do so in the future.
We are so blessed and thankful to both have jobs. We are very aware that this is a blessing in our little family. J.D. loves what he does and works so hard. I am so grateful for the opportunity I am given each day that I work to help people feel better. It truly is a miracle when I can actually see the results of the work I have done on someone. I sometimes joke that being a massage therapist is like being a bartender. I hear some of the strangest things about people when I am working on them but I am so grateful that so many trust me enough to let me do the work that I enjoy and love.
We are thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and for the love of a Savior who makes it possible for us to be forgiven and made clean. How amazing is it that we have this happy message and can share it through our words and actions. The Christmas season is upon us and how thankful I am that He is the true reason for this season that I love so much.
There is so much to be thankful for in just the everyday mundane moments in life- a warm home to live in, a car to drive to work and school or to the store. The hot water in the morning shower or the bounty that is on our table each day. It has been so much fun the past couple of weeks on Facebook to find something each day to be thankful for and I've found each day that there are so many little things I am thankful for and usually just pass them by without thinking twice...it has been a good lesson for me to pay attention to those little things and to be a little more thankful for all of those people and things in my life.
Until next time...
Until next time...
So by the end of next week we will be a private blog. Those that read about our adventures please let me know your email address so we can add you to the list of those able to read of our adventures and mis-adventures.
In the sense of security I have the message you post set up so I have to approve them so please go ahead and leave your email address and I won't publish the posts until after we have gone private.
Now that the housekeeping is out of the way...
We have so much to be thankful for this holiday. J.D. and I spend Thanksgiving 2009 in our apartment in Pleasant Grove. We both have to work the Friday after so we opted to not make the drive to either side of our family for the holiday.
We are so grateful to have each other. I am completely amazed each day how much more I learn to love and adore this wonderful man and just when I think he couldn't possibly love me more...there it is...MORE LOVE! I have said it so many times before but seriously he was soooo worth the wait.
We are so grateful for our families. The love and support that they have given us during this year has been so amazing. It really is all about family and I'm so grateful for ours. Our friends are not to be forgotten. We have met amazing people in the last year and feel so fortunate to have been able to rub shoulders with them and will hopefully be able to continuously do so in the future.
We are so blessed and thankful to both have jobs. We are very aware that this is a blessing in our little family. J.D. loves what he does and works so hard. I am so grateful for the opportunity I am given each day that I work to help people feel better. It truly is a miracle when I can actually see the results of the work I have done on someone. I sometimes joke that being a massage therapist is like being a bartender. I hear some of the strangest things about people when I am working on them but I am so grateful that so many trust me enough to let me do the work that I enjoy and love.
We are thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and for the love of a Savior who makes it possible for us to be forgiven and made clean. How amazing is it that we have this happy message and can share it through our words and actions. The Christmas season is upon us and how thankful I am that He is the true reason for this season that I love so much.
There is so much to be thankful for in just the everyday mundane moments in life- a warm home to live in, a car to drive to work and school or to the store. The hot water in the morning shower or the bounty that is on our table each day. It has been so much fun the past couple of weeks on Facebook to find something each day to be thankful for and I've found each day that there are so many little things I am thankful for and usually just pass them by without thinking twice...it has been a good lesson for me to pay attention to those little things and to be a little more thankful for all of those people and things in my life.
Until next time...
Until next time...
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