Mourning

I woke up at 5 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep so I came downstairs and must have quickly fell asleep because the next thing I knew J.D. was waking me up to tell me goodbye before he left for work at 7:30. I then fell back asleep and didn't wake up until 11:30. We went to bed at 9:30 last night...that is RIDICULOUS that I slept that much.
I decided that I needed to do some things that would help me feel better so I called and was able to go in and get my hair trimmed (much needed) and then I treated myself to a pedicure. I almost fell asleep while I was getting my haircut and if my feet didn't tickle so much I'm certain I would have during the pedicure...what is wrong with me??!!
It dawned on me as I was walking through Walmart and by the baby supplies when I got teary what is wrong with me...I am mourning! It seems so strange to me that I was so attached to that little embryo. I have been looking around online and I guess this is a "normal" reaction to have to a miscarriage. I keep trying to remind myself that it was a good sign that we were able to get pregnant but then the "what if's" start...what if this was the only time, what if it takes another 2 years to get pregnant again, what if all I can do is miscarry.
There is a lot of uncertainty right now but we are going to move forward and try another IUI and hopefully it works.  I have been told by several people that once you get pregnant it is easier the next time- obviously not always true but I can hope.

Until next time...