A Grateful Heart

I love this time of year. I love the sounds and the smells of Christmas time. I love it that everyone seems to have a more grateful heart and spirit during this Christmas season. I always loved Christmas as a child because it meant time with family...and new toys and stuff too, of course, I was a kid what can you expect. I've really missed over the last several years getting together with my extended family like we used to as kids and no it isn't the presents I miss. I miss the smells of my grandma's house and the yummy dinner we would have and of course all the treats that grandma would make. I miss the chatter of all the kids in the living room (even though there were only 6 grand kids we could make some racket) and the adults in the kitchen during the meals that we would eat. I don't remember when it all changed to be honest. Grandma and Grandpa Sullivan always had the family Christmas get together (we never called it a party) at the ranch. I kinda think we had the party for a few more years after grandpa died. I wonder if us grand kids just got too busy to make the time to go up to the ranch for the family get together. Did we decide it wasn't necessary anymore? I really just don't remember. As I think about this tradition that we used to have as a Sullivan family I can't help but be grateful for those memories.
Remembering grandma making her rum balls and us teasing her about drinking the rum that was supposed to be in the rum balls. I think she may have taken a sip or two but from what I understand the rum balls got the fair share of the rum. (It makes me giggle a little inside just to think about it.) The marshmallow topped yams that grandma made- yummo! Why is it that I can't seem to make mine taste just the same? Oh and let's not forget the heavenly rolls that grandma made- nope we never had store bought rolls at our family dinners they were ALWAYS grandmas rolls. My mom would make a zillion kinds of jello salad. I remember my cousins saying after my parents got divorced that they missed that at family dinners- how funny that something so simple can make such good memories. My memories don't all revolved around the food we ate but the fun we had and the things we did. The kids were always in the living room eating on TV trays and the adults surrounded the kitchen table. We always knew just how to make the TV trays work even with a moving rocking chair to sit in. It makes my heart so happy just to go back to that time in my mind and hear all of the chatter and joy.

Privacy please & Thanksgiving

I have been considering going private for a little while. I thought it was a little ridiculous for us to be private since we don't have an kids to protect, etc but I have a strong feeling that we need to protect the information we are sharing with everyone in this big wide world.
So by the end of next week we will be a private blog. Those that read about our adventures please let me know your email address so we can add you to the list of those able to read of our adventures and mis-adventures.
In the sense of security I have the message you post set up so I have to approve them so please go ahead and leave your email address and I won't publish the posts until after we have gone private.

Now that the housekeeping is out of the way...

We have so much to be thankful for this holiday. J.D. and I spend Thanksgiving 2009 in our apartment in Pleasant Grove. We both have to work the Friday after so we opted to not make the drive to either side of our family for the holiday.
We are so grateful to have each other. I am completely amazed each day how much more I learn to love and adore this wonderful man and just when I think he couldn't possibly love me more...there it is...MORE LOVE! I have said it so many times before but seriously he was soooo worth the wait.
We are so grateful for our families. The love and support that they have given us during this year has been so amazing. It really is all about family and I'm so grateful for ours. Our friends are not to be forgotten. We have met amazing people in the last year and feel so fortunate to have been able to rub shoulders with them and will hopefully be able to continuously do so in the future.
We are so blessed and thankful to both have jobs. We are very aware that this is a blessing in our little family. J.D. loves what he does and works so hard. I am so grateful for the opportunity I am given each day that I work to help people feel better. It truly is a miracle when I can actually see the results of the work I have done on someone. I sometimes joke that being a massage therapist is like being a bartender. I hear some of the strangest things about people when I am working on them but I am so grateful that so many trust me enough to let me do the work that I enjoy and love.
We are thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and for the love of a Savior who makes it possible for us to be forgiven and made clean. How amazing is it that we have this happy message and can share it through our words and actions. The Christmas season is upon us and how thankful I am that He is the true reason for this season that I love so much.
There is so much to be thankful for in just the everyday mundane moments in life- a warm home to live in, a car to drive to work and school or to the store. The hot water in the morning shower or the bounty that is on our table each day. It has been so much fun the past couple of weeks on Facebook to find something each day to be thankful for and I've found each day that there are so many little things I am thankful for and usually just pass them by without thinking twice...it has been a good lesson for me to pay attention to those little things and to be a little more thankful for all of those people and things in my life.

Until next time...

Until next time...

I just had to share

There is a "game" being passed around facebook that instructs people to write the first memory they have of you. I love my friends and family but most of all I love my sweet husband who always knows just what to say and how to say it. I am posting this on our blog because I want to eventually make this into a book and I want our posterity to see this.

This is what he had to say:
"Well other than chatting on IM and E-Mail the first memory of you is the night of our first date. I was taking my sweet time asking if you would like to come over for some of the Baked Bean Stuff I had stewing in the Crock Pot, and watch a movie.
The best part of the evening was after we hung up on the phone when you found my (now our) ... apartment, I was standing out on the balcony watching you walking up the walkway and you looked up and smiled up at me. I thought at that moment that someone special was coming into my life. Little did I know how special, and amazing you are. I love that I still see that same smile when I wake up in the mornings, and when we see each other after our days at school and work.
I love you so much, and I'm grateful for the many more wonderful memories we will make together."

I am grateful everyday that J.D. picked me to be his wife. I waited a long time for him and he was so worth the wait and I tell him that all the time.

Grateful

My heart is full of gratitude for so many things today. I just had to share it. I am so grateful for the tender mercies of my loving Father in Heaven. I have become keenly aware of his love for me as of late. I think we all go through experiences in our lives when we wonder what exactly His plan is for us. I wish I knew exactly what he had in store for me (and JD) but alas that is not the case. I do have a surety that He is very aware of me and loves me beyond anything I can fully comprehend. He knows the true desires of my heart and has calmed me and let me know that He is aware and loves me.

** I thought I posted this long ago...not sure why I didn't.

This and that...

We don't have much to report but I felt like I should post something anyway- just so you know we are alive.
I'm up to my eyeballs in assignments for school and JD is up to his eyeballs in work and another programming project he is doing on the side.

I am trying to figure out how to get my CNA license before the end of the year so I can start work as a CNA starting in January 2010...you wouldn't think it would be such a task but between work and school it is becoming quite a juggling act. One of the major health care facilities in Utah has a great tuition reimbursement plan in place for nursing so the plan is to get a job there and let them pay for me to become an amazing nurse...sounds like a good idea to me!

JD is preparing to take the GRE so he can apply to grad school and get his Masters in Software Engineering- I am so proud of him. He works so hard and never complains one minute about any of it.

We have started Body for Life- more accurately JD has started Body for Life and is diligent about going and working out each morning and eating the "right" food. I on the other hand stay up to late and whine about getting up in the morning to work out. (In my defense, this past week was mid-terms and I was staying up pretty late studying.) I'm re-committing myself to the workouts this week.

Life is great and we are loving this time of year. We are looking forward to our first holidays together as a married couple. We will be staying in Utah for Thanksgiving because we both have to work the day after but I'm excited to have our first Thanksgiving together in our home.

Until next time...

One year ago today

I met my husband for the first time. I can't believe it has been a year but at the same time I can't remember life before him unless I'm reading through old journals. The past year has been so much fun and I dare say one of the best in my life. We have been married 6 months and one week as of today too. We have had so much fun together and have already started traditions that we have decided we will continue throughout our marriage.

One of the first dates that we had was going on a drive around the Alpine Loop through American Fork Canyon. Last year we were a little late to really enjoy the fall colors but we went a few weeks earlier this year and it was beautiful. (I'm having some technical difficulties-mostly user error- so I can't get the pictures to upload...maybe next time) Anyway, JD tells me that he knew he wanted to marry me when we went on that drive last year. Needless to say that will be something that we will continue to do throughout our marriage even when little ones come along.

In this past year, we have had so much fun together. We just enjoy being together even when we aren't saying anything. I really used to think that we had to be able to talk non-stop for our relationship to be strong but I've learned that is so not true but I know I always have a listening ear if I need it- and so does he. We have faced some obstacles and overcome them and had our share of trials but they have only brought us closer together. I can't imagine life without my sweet, J.D.

In honor of the twelve months since we met here are twelve things I love about my husband...
1- He makes me smile- always!
2- He has a testimony of our Savior and isn't afraid to show it.
3- He is smart and always seeking after more knowledge.
4- He is supportive--no matter how big or crazy my dreams may seem.
5- He loves my family.
6- He loves his family.
7- He is fun and relaxed and is helping to teach me the joys of being that way.
8- There is comfort and peace in his arms
9- He is patient. (Since he is married to me that was a necessity!)
10- He enjoys an adventure and being outdoors and being active.
11- He is goal oriented and encourages me to do the same. When he decides to do something...watch out!
12- He gives the best knee popping kisses (you girls know what I'm talking about) EVER!!

Happy One year since we met hubby...I love you!

Sharing time

It hit me this morning that I needed to get these feelings off my chest after I read my friend Tara's status of Facebook this morning that she and her husband are expecting baby #3 after five years of unsuccessful fertility treatments and adopting their adorable son two years ago. I am beyond thrilled for Tara and Mike and their pregnancy. I know this is something they have prayed so hard for and I can only think that they were supposed to have Tyson in their home or they wouldn't have had to go through the trial of infertility.

My friend, Holly has inspired me to share my story with all of you out there that read my blog too...I think there are a few anyway. Go to her blog (2friendz1goal.blogspot.com) to read her story and that of a friend of hers that are fighting the same battle that we are facing in our home. I so appreciate Holly because I sent her an email about a month ago asking her about her treatments. etc and she was so open and candid with me. I am so blessed to have so many friends and family that understand the battle and I think we can support each other through this.

So as the title reads I am sharing our struggle with fertility. J.D. and I decided almost immediately that we wanted to try to have kids after we got married. While we were engaged we talked about waiting for awhile but after a trip to my doctor we decided it probably wasn't a good idea to wait...just in case it took us awhile to get pregnant. My doctor's exact words were, " I wouldn't advise you to wait to conceive based on your health conditions and your age." Fantastic! Well as of today we have been married six months and that appointment with the doctor was 2 weeks after we were married.

For those that don't know- which would be most, if not all of those that read this- I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and Insulin Resistance. The two go hand in hand for most people and in this case I am most people. It's almost like one creates the other, which to be perfectly honest SUCKS! We have done 3 treatments of Clomid with no success. Basically, the Clomid is supposed to help me ovulate which I don't do because of PCOS. I faithfully take my temperature every morning and if by some chance I forget my sweet J.D. reminds me to take it. Honestly, I know what it is supposed to show but I fax it to the doctor and he takes a look at it and tells me if it looks like I ovulated or not. After 3 rounds of the medication I'm still not ovulating.

This past month he changed the prescription to Femara, which is what the reproductive endocrinologist that works from his office prescribes if Clomid doesn't work for people, which I am told Clomid usually works. I am also on a drug called Metformin for Insulin Resistance. It appears that for most people Metformin helps them drop weight...not for me. Actually that may not be entirely true- when I was living and working in Arizona I hadn't been taking metformin and when I started taking it I lost 30 pounds. I have lost another 10 pounds since we got married and started taking the medication again regularly like I'm supposed to and I'm now hovering at a weight I will not post on here. My doctor has told me he has all but maxed me out of the metformin medication and we have a few more options available before we need to get really concerned about not conceiving yet.

I know many that read this will be thinking that 5 or 6 months doesn't seem like that long of a time to try to have a child but because of my age it seems like it is forever. I know I'm not old in the big scheme of things, nor do I feel old but this is so frustrating to me. I am thrilled beyond words for friends, co-workers, cousins, etc that are pregnant or have had no issue getting pregnant. I know that many will say just quit worrying about it and it will happen...oh how I wish that was the case. For me, I'm actually pretty relaxed about the whole situation believe it or not. I keep telling myself that things will work out the way that we would want them to and to have faith and remember that Heavenly Father knows what He is doing.

As for what we are doing that is within our control that can help our chances. We have started working out in the mornings at the Pleasant Grove Rec Center. It's no surprise that I'm not a morning person and I'm not sure that I didn't snap at J.D. the first morning we went and worked out but once we got there and I started moving I felt great and had so much energy all day. I actually enjoy working out. I like the feeling of sore muscles because I know that I have done something good for me and my body that is causing it. I like challenging myself to push just a little harder to reach goals. I am so lucky to have such a supportive husband that is a morning person that keeps on me to get out of bed and go workout because that is going to help us in many ways. We laugh that the real trial of going to the gym is coming now because the cooler weather of fall and winter is about to set in. I think with each of us encouraging the other we can make it happen.

I won't lie and tell you that my heart doesn't ache just a little bit every time I see a baby or a pregnant woman. I know I'm a newlywed and and should be enjoying this time in our lives (which we are, please don't think we aren't) but it is my God given gift and responsibility to be a mother. I want nothing more than to hold a sweet baby in my arms and to be called mama. My sweet, J.D. comforts me when I get a little more than emotional about the whole subject and I couldn't ask for a better companion to go through this with. When I start doubting our chances of having children he assures me that everything will work out one way or another. I rest assured with that promise that one way or another we will have a child or children of our own to raise.

Please know I'm not sharing this because I want sympathy or anything like that. I wrote it to be brave because as Holly wrote in her blog...sharing with others from your own experience can help someone else. Also, since you know of our experience and you have gone through something similar please share it with me...there is strength in numbers, right?

Until next time...