Christmas Traditions

J.D. and I decided when we got married that we would buy a new ornament for our Christmas tree for something significant from our life during the year. This year we will be purchasing a Salt Lake Temple ornament. I love the memories- even though there are only a few so far. We plan on buying one for each of our kids to so they will have a start to their Christmas decorations when they leave home.
We also go to see the lights at Temple Square in Salt Lake. I love to see the lights. You can read more about that in the previous post.
In addition to this I'm trying to find great ideas that we can add to our traditions that will be easy to keep going once we have kids and will bring meaning to the season not just something to do. Tonight I was blog browsing and read at Viva la Vida about a tradition they started a few years ago in their family and I L-O-V-E it! (Thanks for the idea!!)
Here it is...

The three gift rule: every member gets three gifts for Christmas.

Only. Three.

Wrapped in green, gold and red these gifts symbolize and are reflective of the gifts that the Wise Men gave.

GOLD: This is the most obvious in color and significance. It's precious and worthy across all cultures and times. For us, it represents something we want.

FRANKINCENSE: Used as a holy anointing oil, its resin was derived from a tree, symbolizing gifts wrapped in green which represent something we need.

MYRRH: This is perhaps the most mysterious of the gifts. In times of old, it was a sacred substance and those whom could afford its resin used it as an incense to treat virtually every illness and disease. Since it was a reddish-brown in color our gifts are wrapped in red and represent something that will make us a better person.

Is that not the greatest idea ever? We are going to start it next year...because I am done shopping and wrapping this year.

This year we also sponsored a couple of kids in our ward and helped out with Sub for Santa at work. It was so fun and such a blessing to be able to help out and make Christmas a little brighter for someone else. That is a tradition we will keep going too.

Do you have any traditions that you love and want to share?

Blessed

I can't believe it has been over a month since I last made an entry. I have had good intentions and have started an entry on several occasions just to be pulled away for something more important or at least more pressing and wouldn't get back to it for awhile. I am letting this blog serve as my/our journal (J.D. does a great job of keeping a hand written journal of his own.) and I vow to do a better job updating it- even with the what may seem at the time "mundane" activities of daily living because this is after all our life and we are living it.
This last week I was looking through the photos on my computer and the images took me right back to the things we have done since we met and got married. It seems we are always working and don't take exotic vacations but the things we do together we love...sometimes it's just the time to relax a bit and enjoy each other. We went to Yellowstone in September 2009 (J.D.'s first time) and while we were there went to Mack's Inn Playhouse. Last night as J.D. was getting ready to sleep I played one of the quick videos I took while we were there and both of us had a chuckle and said how much fun it was...that is a definite do over trip- even if only for the playhouse portion of it. I love having and making memories like that and it seems we have a lot more than I realize until I look back at pictures and read past entries of this "journal". We are truly blessed!
J.D. is busy with work which equals job security that we are grateful for. He has been put in contact with a couple of companies or individuals that need some programming done that he can do on the side from home. I'm so grateful that he worked so hard to get his degree and more importantly that he loves what he does for a career. He was recently called to be financial clerk in our ward and he has really enjoyed what he does there too. He spent all of last Saturday at the church with the bishopric helping with tithing settlement. He serves with such a happy and willingness to do whatever is needed. I'm so grateful for him and all he teaches me.

During a break last Saturday all of the bishopric and their wives and kids had a Christmas dinner together. It was nice to get to know everyone a little better. We sat next to the Couch family and I had a good talk with Nicole. Her husband is the ward clerk. They have a 5 month old little boy. She asked if we have kids and I told her no but we hope to soon. She smiled and said "good luck it took us 8 years and four miscarriages to get this little guy." We had a long talk and she said that they never took any extra ordinary measures or went to specialists to get pregnant. It was an interesting conversation and made me realize how much more difficult our struggle could be.
On that note, I went to visit Dr. H last week. He was really happy to see how everything looked and how I am reacting to the medication he has had me on. He did an ultrasound and said the cysts on my ovaries are smaller...good news. He gave me the go ahead to start taking Femara, which if it works correctly will help me ovulate and we can do an IUI this month. We will know in the next 10 days if we are able to do the IUI or move onto the next step from here. We are hoping we get an early Christmas present and can at least attempt the IUI and an even bigger present and get pregnant on our first attempt. The timing will be perfect because we are headed to Idaho for Christmas where I can just rest and relax either way.
I have no feeling one way or the other about what may happen in the next week or two. I am however very peaceful and know that whatever happens is just part of our journey. I am so grateful I have J.D. to go through this with. He is so patient and understanding. He offers to go to every doctor appointment with me and knows just what to say to calm me when I get frustrated with the process.
Last night we went to Temple Square in Salt Lake City to see the lights. It has become a tradition for us to go and see the lights. Two years ago this week J.D. asked me to be his wife. We go back to that same spot and get a picture. We have so many great memories at Temple Square. I don't think either of us will forget last April when we were taking pictures after our sealing and the chef that gave us a treat from the Lion House because he said we looked like we were old enough to be getting married. So last night we went to the same spot and stole a kiss (or maybe two).

I love making memories with this man! When I was talking to Nicole last Saturday that is something we talked about...the men we married and how grateful we are that we married the men we did even though it took longer to find them- J.D. was worth the wait. I can't imagine going through any of the trials we have had since we have been married with anyone else. He is definitely a keeper!

Thankful

I love fall! I love the crisp air and the sound of leaves crunching under my feet as I am walking around campus. I love that this time of year means time with family...well two months in a row anyway. I love this time of year because I met my wonderful husband in the fall (well early October) two years ago. We have made a lot of memories since then.
I especially love this month because I always remember to be especially thankful during the November. I have been updating my Facebook page daily writing what I am thankful for and wanted to share those things here too.
November 3-
Today I am grateful for the lessons that taught me to take responsibility for my actions and not blame everyone else for the things that go "wrong" in my life.

This was after spending 12 hours in a room with a patient at work that was on suicide watch. He was frustrated and angry at the whole world for the place he was at in his life...even the person that found him out of it on the railroad tracks and called the paramedics that saved his life. I was floored when he told me that. I just hope that he eventually learns that we make our own happiness and can't rely on someone else to do it for us.

November 4-
Today I am grateful for good insurance. The past month has been expensive but insurance sure helps take the sting out of it.

If you have read the past few posts on our blog this will make much more sense.

November 5-
Today I am grateful that my husband and I both have jobs. On my way to work listening to KSL they were talking about the unemployment rates...YIKES!

In addition, I might I add I'm glad I was taught at a young age how to work and that working- no matter what you do (seriously folks- I wipe noses and butts at work most days) is good for you.

November 6- apparently I was especially thankful this day...
Today I am grateful for people that say thank you.
If memory serves I was sitting with a patient all day (12 hours) and was on bed rest which in her case meant flat on her back because she was leaking cerebral spinal fluid from a dural tear in her spine (talk about putting life into perspective)...anyway, she just said thank you so many times through the day for the little things I was able to help her with from opening salt and pepper packets to cutting up her food so she could eat it...even laughing with her because of the "silly" way she had to do things because of her bed rest. I was even able to give her a hand and foot massage and she just kept saying how nice it was to have that done. I learned much from that woman that day...thank you patient in room 1421.

Today I am grateful for a husband that does laundry and cleans the house while I am at work AND he had time to geek out (three laptops on the coffee table at once...not kidding) and watch football too.
It is so nice to have a husband that doesn't look at housework at the "wife's job" and just lays around the house when he isn't at work. I am so blessed- more than I deserve much of the time- to have married such an amazing man and true partner. He even vacuumed the floors and he never does that. I'm telling you- I am BLESSED!!

November 7-
Today I am grateful for a day of rest and especially excited for tomorrow and cross training in maternity at work.

Simple enough I think.
The cross training is something I have wanted to do since I started my job but they weren't sure they had enough budget money left to let me orient with the maternity units. I was told two weeks ago I was approved to do so and I am beyond thrilled.

November 8-

Today I am thankful I got that HORRIBLE fish oil smell out of my scrubs. It took lemon juice, baking soda, vinegar, dish soap, borax and a run on the sanitary cycle in the washer to get it out but it is now GONE!

So I take a multi-vitamin everyday and it is a liquid formula so it has fish oil in it. I used to take it later in the day because I can't take it with my synthroid in the morning. Weeeeellllll, one day I forgot to take the pill and it got washed and dried and in the dryer (we are guessing) it melted and the fish oil stuck to the pocket of the scrub pants I was wearing that day. I noticed a funny smell on the scrubs when I grabbed them from the drawer one morning when I was getting dressed but I couldn't figure out what it was and thought maybe it was something in my drawer and put on those scrubs again. ALL DAY I was smelling this awful fish oil smell (did I mention that I HATE FISH).
I'm sure I was quite a sight because I kept smelling my scrub top and under my arms (I know that sounds ridiculous) but couldn't figure out what was going on. When I got home I put my hand in the pants pocket and felt a buildup and had an ah ha moment...finally! I smelled the pocket and sure enough THAT was what I had been smelling all day long...it was terrible. I'm glad I didn't figure it out at work or the smell I'm sure would have become suddenly worse. I'm just glad the smell is now gone!

November 9-
Today I am grateful I got to drive my hubby to work. It was so nice to have that 20 extra minutes to talk to each other rather than running out the door in opposite directions.

The antifreeze overflow tank on the Durango got a crack in it and was leaking so we took it to the shop last night so they could take a look at it and fix it. We decided today would be the best day because of my work and school schedule to make it possible. I just love having time to talk to my hubby. In reality, we spend a lot of time together but we are usually busy with one project or another. Our mornings usually start at about 5:15 and we are always busy getting ready and doing our morning routine so not much talking because of the shower or hair dryer, etc. I loved being about to laugh at the DJ's on the radio and discuss what they were talking about on KSL this morning while I drove him to work.

Although I am still wondering what on earth was going on across the street at Provo College when I dropped him off this morning. There were three fire engines- one with a ladder, two ambulances and several police cars. Students were standing on the sidewalk and I'm pretty sure there was police tape up. I checked with J.D. later and he said it looked like it was business as usual later in the morning...does that seem weird to anyone else??

Tough Day

Today was a rough day. I keep getting my hopes up that the next time I visit Dr. H is going to be the magical appointment that he tells me we are moving forward and attempting the IUI we are planning on. I keep planning out in my mind exactly how it is going to happen but each appointment that plan gets changed...I don't like change unless I am in control of it and even then I don't always care for it. I have issues with being patient too and this is seriously testing my patience.
Today I had more blood work done to see if the synthroid is working and the right level for me and a follow up visit with Dr. H. We are going to wait at least one more month before we attempt the IUI and I have to take the high doses of birth control pills (basically high levels of estrogen to regulate my cycle.) In reality it may be several more months after that before we actually try the IUI because he wants to make sure everything is ok and hormone levels are where they need to be. I appreciate him being thorough so we aren't wasting time and/or money unnecessarily.
He also threw me a curve ball today when he said that he wanted to test is my adrenal glands were working right and my cholesterol...just so we have the whole picture. I'm not sure why but all of that took the wind out of my sails. It took a lot of control to get through the appointment and get to the car and call J.D.---then I lost it! I really don't know if I can handle one more system in my body NOT working the way it supposed to BUT I'm glad to know that if there is a problem there are things we can do to fix it and in the end it may actually help us get pregnant.
So much for not letting infertility take over our life! In my searching online today about adrenal glands and infertility I came across this article
http://www.999reasonstolaugh.com/2010/10/707-getting-pregnant-can-be-hard/
that made me literally laugh out loud. Oh man! Someone missed something in 8th grade health class, I think!

I have learned a few things today...
1) I have the best husband in the world!
(I already knew this but how glad am I that I married my best friend and the man that brings so much joy into my heart and soul.)
2) Laughter is the best medicine.
3) An idle mind is the devil's playground...kick him out and get busy doing something! For me the saving grace was chemistry lab. I never thought I would be grateful for chem lab and shifting equations.
4) I love quotes especially inspired words from the General Authorities. Today this one did the trick...
“Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is ...not simply enduring; it is enduring well!”
Dieter F. Uchtdorf
5) When you can no longer stand, kneel! For reals, turning it over to my Savior soothes my soul.

Until next time...

Inadequate

Do you have anyone in your life that makes you feel inadequate now matter what you do or don't do?

I hope that I haven't ever made another person feel this way...if I have I am truly sorry!

The famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt..."No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" runs through my mind every time I feel like I'm a huge disappointment and no matter what I do it won't change the disappointment.

In those moments of despair I am so grateful for a Savior that I can turn these feelings over to Him and move on with my life. He knows exactly how I feel and the pain to my soul when I have these feelings. How blessed I am to know my Savior loves me that much.

This too shall pass. Tomorrow is another day. I can only control me and the way I react to situations that I may not particularly care for all that much.

Decisions

As much as I don't want this to become about our infertility struggles I need to get some things off my chest tonight. First, I am grateful for my wonderful, supportive and strong (in mind and spirit) husband. He was gone last week in Idaho helping my brother and the crew with the fall cattle roundup. He came home on Saturday to a me in bed with a heating pad and unable to move with the exception of a couple of trips downstairs this is where I have been ever since. I even had to call into work today because of my body's reaction to the medications. However, this reaction is both a good and bad thing. While it has scared me and put me down in bed for a few days (I am crossing my fingers that is that case)- that is the bad part, the good part is that it is prepping my body the way it needs to...we hope!
Today has been a VERY emotional day. I have broken down several times as I tried to and was finally successful getting a hold of Dr. H's office to find out what to do next. I have been trying since last Friday and finally tonight was able to speak to the doctor on call since the nurses' haven't returned my repeated calls asking what to do next and I didn't think to just ask for Dr. H since the nurse practitioners in his office don't return calls like they assured me they would when I had "many questions about what to expect" (that is what we were told by the nurse practitioner when we were going over the fine details after our meeting with Dr. H).

Basically what I learned when talking to the doctor tonight is that my body didn't react the way the Dr. H apparently expected but this does happen to other women that have PCOS, so I don't necessarily need to be alarmed. The way it was described to me was this...polycystic ovaries release a lot of estrogen into your system. This is like putting fertilizer on a lawn but never mowing the lawn. Progesterone is essentially the lawn mower but apparently my body doesn't produce enough of that on it's own so that is the purpose of the provera. The thing that really scared me tonight when I was talking to the doctor on the phone was his recommendation to have biopsy of my uterus done because a lot of buildup can cause cancer...WOW! WHAT??!! (This is one of the reasons why I'm glad J.D. was home because I about had a panic attack and started crying when the Dr. was telling me all this and I just handed him the phone and told him to talk to the doctor while I tried to compose myself.)

I was diagnosed with PCOS in the '90s and have had similar reactions to progesterone in the past but this is the first time I have been told that a biopsy would be a good idea. The good news...he said if I was to get cancer this would be the one to get because it is easily treatable. The doc I talked to recommended that I call Dr. H in the morning to find out what he recommends that we do next. The doc we talked to tonight said we could continue with the medical d&c which is essentially what we are doing now taking provera OR do a surgical d&c...for those of you who don't know what that is- a d&c is a procedure that is usually done after a miscarriage but has been used for women with PCOS too for the same purpose of basically giving you a "clean" uterus. After looking at some information online tonight was are learning very heavily toward the idea of just continuing with the medication even though it may take a few more months because of the risks involved with a surgical procedure and the $$$.

We have some major decisions to make- many of which will come after we have a chance to talk to Dr. H tomorrow. I have to just say how blessed I am to have married such a good and supportive man. All of this obviously affects both of us but it is my body going through all the tests, etc. and J.D. is right here holding my hand and supporting me every step of the way. I am so grateful to be married to a man that lives worthy and honors the priesthood that he holds so he can give me a blessing at a moments notice. It is such an amazing feeling to not only feel the love of my wonderful husband but to have him be the mouthpiece for my Heavenly Father to give me comfort and peace in my heart and mind as we go through this trial.

Listen to a Prophets Voice

A few weeks before General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints my stake in Pleasant Grove had our Stake Conference. This stake conference was really more of a regional conference with over 160 stakes in Utah and Summit County participating in two sessions on Sunday.
On the Saturday before the regional broadcast, J.D. and I attended the adult session that was just for our stake. It was interesting to both of us that all of the talks during that session were focused on listening to our prophets. We were told that hard times were coming, harder even than the trials that our pioneer ancestors faced. I remember looking at J.D. and wondering what was to come but in the same thought re-committing myself to follow the voice of the prophets. I wondered what we would hear in a few weeks when General Conference was to take place in Salt Lake City.
Again, on Saturday with some of the talks I looked as J.D. and said, "what is going to happen? There is something big coming." When I listened to this talk from President Boyd K. Packer.
I thought nothing of it beyond instruction that was given to us by a servant of God. Unfortunately many people took offense to what President Packer said during his talk at General Conference and there have been protests at Temple Square in Salt Lake City and many gay and lesbian groups are requesting he change his talk and say that the Church hates anyone that is gay or lesbian. That is not the case and President Packer was only stating again what has been said many times before that marriage is between a man and a woman.
Now I understand why we were being instructed as we were. It's interesting to me that many times during our stake conference it was stated that they didn't know what was going to be presented during General Conference but that the men and women that speak are called of God.